April 19, 1993 Waco, TX
April 19, 1995 Oklahoma City, OK
April 20, 1999 Columbine, CO
April 16, 2007 Va Tech, VA
I've written and rewritten so many essays about my thoughts on the Va Tech tragedy that I've lost count. I finally deleted them all. It's not that I've stopped thinking about it, believe me. My kids' busdriver has a son who had a class in that building, on that floor, at that time and because he was tired that day, he skipped class. He came home last week and she took off to spend time with him, leaving my kids in the hands of a string of unknown substitutes. (You'd better believe I was all for that, despite my kids' complaints). I have a neighbor whose daughter's dormroom was 20 feet away from the first shooting. I've been talking to my neighbor, checking up on her daughter, and on her. I sent my kids to school wearing maroon and orange. It's in my mind.
But there is really nothing I can say that hasn't already been said (so many times). I have no new insights to add. I have no idea how to explain how something so horrible can happen, no wisdom to impart on how to prevent this in the future. We've all heard the idiots ranting about how this is the fault of immigration, how the lack of prayer in schools caused this, or how it's the fault of Korean movies. We all (I hope) have revisted our opinions on gun control and treatment of the mentally ill and wondered if maybe, just maybe there's another way - are our original opinions really the right ones? Is there some nook or cranny in our thinking that's been overlooked? Have we really been thorough in our own personal analysis? And if you're like me, you come away still confused because ultimately, differences in how we handle gun control or treatment of the mentally ill doesn't seem like it would have changed much.
In my opinion, this horrible, awful tragedy happened because we are humans. It happened because despite what we like to think and despite all of our attempts, life is ultimately uncontrollable and is completely unfair. We haven't failed ourselves as a species. We are still, on the whole, "good" (which is a very subjective term, but still). Perhaps you think I am stubborn or naive for believing so. But this is something I must hold onto. We, as humans, are not all "good" individually. But as a whole, we are an amazingly thoughtful and loving species. We don't always act in the most thoughtful way, collectively (GLOBAL WARMING) but we're a decent lot.
It sure as hell doesn't seem like it sometimes, but remember that this killer was one among billions. No one's talking on CNN about how my son's 4th grade class last year, during their mile run challenge, gathered together and ran along with one of the girls who, being overweight and out of shape, was in tears and desperately behind. They cheered her on until she FINISHED the damned thing. You won't read in the newspapers about how many people give of their spare time to fold and staple brochures for a local PTA, or how couples with houses that need to be cleaned and bills that need to be paid spend a weekend building a house for Habitat for Humanity instead. You won't hear about how countless neighbors watch pets and carry in the mail when folks go on vacation, or how teachers stay late after school to just talk...just talk... to a child that is having a difficult time.
I don't mean to distract from the prayers, good vibes, and good thoughts that are flowing to the families of the victims of last weeks' tragedy. I don't mean to minimize what happened.
I guess I'm just saying that this is one of those things we have to learn to have the wisdom to accept as a consequence of being human. It doesn't mean we should stop striving to make things better or to stop finding ways to prevent tragedies. But rather than beating ourselves up for with SHOULDOFS and COULDOFS, we sometimes have to realize that we are not in control. Whether you believe that we are not in control because god has plans that we are not capable of understanding, or whether you believe that we are just another beautiful, unique, marvelous species living in the mystery of the universe living under the edict that things are just as they are just because they are ... the ultimate truth seems to be that we aren't really much in control. Horrible things happen. We react, we adjust, we change. And still, things happen. But the thing we CAN do is to persist. Just because.
But there is really nothing I can say that hasn't already been said (so many times). I have no new insights to add. I have no idea how to explain how something so horrible can happen, no wisdom to impart on how to prevent this in the future. We've all heard the idiots ranting about how this is the fault of immigration, how the lack of prayer in schools caused this, or how it's the fault of Korean movies. We all (I hope) have revisted our opinions on gun control and treatment of the mentally ill and wondered if maybe, just maybe there's another way - are our original opinions really the right ones? Is there some nook or cranny in our thinking that's been overlooked? Have we really been thorough in our own personal analysis? And if you're like me, you come away still confused because ultimately, differences in how we handle gun control or treatment of the mentally ill doesn't seem like it would have changed much.
In my opinion, this horrible, awful tragedy happened because we are humans. It happened because despite what we like to think and despite all of our attempts, life is ultimately uncontrollable and is completely unfair. We haven't failed ourselves as a species. We are still, on the whole, "good" (which is a very subjective term, but still). Perhaps you think I am stubborn or naive for believing so. But this is something I must hold onto. We, as humans, are not all "good" individually. But as a whole, we are an amazingly thoughtful and loving species. We don't always act in the most thoughtful way, collectively (GLOBAL WARMING) but we're a decent lot.
It sure as hell doesn't seem like it sometimes, but remember that this killer was one among billions. No one's talking on CNN about how my son's 4th grade class last year, during their mile run challenge, gathered together and ran along with one of the girls who, being overweight and out of shape, was in tears and desperately behind. They cheered her on until she FINISHED the damned thing. You won't read in the newspapers about how many people give of their spare time to fold and staple brochures for a local PTA, or how couples with houses that need to be cleaned and bills that need to be paid spend a weekend building a house for Habitat for Humanity instead. You won't hear about how countless neighbors watch pets and carry in the mail when folks go on vacation, or how teachers stay late after school to just talk...just talk... to a child that is having a difficult time.
I don't mean to distract from the prayers, good vibes, and good thoughts that are flowing to the families of the victims of last weeks' tragedy. I don't mean to minimize what happened.
I guess I'm just saying that this is one of those things we have to learn to have the wisdom to accept as a consequence of being human. It doesn't mean we should stop striving to make things better or to stop finding ways to prevent tragedies. But rather than beating ourselves up for with SHOULDOFS and COULDOFS, we sometimes have to realize that we are not in control. Whether you believe that we are not in control because god has plans that we are not capable of understanding, or whether you believe that we are just another beautiful, unique, marvelous species living in the mystery of the universe living under the edict that things are just as they are just because they are ... the ultimate truth seems to be that we aren't really much in control. Horrible things happen. We react, we adjust, we change. And still, things happen. But the thing we CAN do is to persist. Just because.
4 comments:
We have to persist. We have no choice.
Although it would be significantly easier without the media shouting: "Murder! Mayhem! Scandal!" at us.
" You won't read in the newspapers about how many people give of their spare time to fold and staple brochures for a local PTA, or how couples with houses that need to be cleaned and bills that need to be paid spend a weekend building a house for Habitat for Humanity instead. You won't hear about how countless neighbors watch pets and carry in the mail when folks go on vacation, or how teachers stay late after school to just talk...just talk... to a child that is having a difficult time."
No, we certainly don't hear about those things, do we? There's something very wrong with this. We are desperately in need of encouragement and hope, not shock value and sensationalism.
I know I keep harping on the media. They just piss me off.
BTW, your son's class sound like a bunch of very sweet kids. That was thoughtful of them.
Thank you - and the countless other bloggers - for writing on this. I haven't felt like I can.
Ruthie, you are so right.
I left out discussion about the media's role in all this because 1) it makes me so mad I can hardly stand it and 2) I think it's deserving of its own post, once I mull more about WHY we have stooped to this level, media-wise. WHY are we the Jerry Springer generation? What is it about that kind of voyeurism that appeals to our psyche? How can the media conglomerates give such a pass on ethics for a buck? How did we arrive here?
Your post on the failures of today's media in your blog was excellent.
most often you are optimistic, yet moderate. makes me feel a little better...hopeful. dunno...
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