PTA mom gone contumacious

Thesaurusi are wonderful. Contumacious is the word of the week. Look it up. ;-)

I spent this last weekend in Tyson's Corner, VA for the Virginia state PTA convention. It was actually an O.K. weekend, given that it was a *PTA convention*, for goodness sake (soccer mom convention is next weekend). There were some interesting dynamics between me and the other three women from our school who went - all is good in the end. They're all very nice women, though very different from me in some ways. They're all conservative Republicans, and mostly very religious. At one point during our sleepover-like talk around midnight (we all four shared one hotel room to save PTA money), I was asked about my church. When I told them I went to the Unitarian Universalists and was atheist, their faces absolutely FROZE in shock. It would have been funny if these weren't three ladies that I really like. But you know, these were three authentic people, so I felt it was appropriate to be authentic back, which is my preference anyway. They were mostly curious about me and my religious choices, but there is an obvious disconnect there now. Oh well.

I also confirmed that my children have made me a better person. On our way there, we went through a toll booth, and the driver was slightly confused (about the direction, how much for the toll, whatever...not relevent). The toll booth attendent was of middle eastern descent, a woman with the religious headdress. After we drove off, our driver, who was slightly askew from being confused, started getting silly and making racist comments like "Quit looking at me like that and go back to earning your minimum wage...and take that ridiculous towel off of your head!" Our van of women burst out with laughter and I silently stared out the window in shock. What to do? At the next toll booth, the comment was something like "At least this one is American.". I'm not sure anyone heard me but I said "I imagine the last one was American, too."

At this point, I started thinking a lot. I am raising my kids to be aware and tolerant and true to themselves and courageous. I would never wish for them to put up with such racisist comments. You know, on paper, and in thought, it's all so easy. But when you are faced with it in real life situations that surprise you, the lines are not as clear. I felt terrible about the whole thing and really terrible that I'd not said anything.

The next night we were driving to find a restaurant for dinner, and ended up holding up the traffic so we could throw some coins into a can for cancer something or another that was being carried up and down the lanes by some group. The people in the car behind us got (understandably) upset because we made them miss the light (this is DC remember - not Williamsburg), and they drove up beside us in the turn lane, making angry faces. They were Indian. The same woman started making comments like "You should understand this money thing - you're used to begging aren't you?" OK. (deep breath so I don't scream). I told her that was totally unfair and that I was offended. She tried to defend herself but I stuck my ground and made it CLEAR why I found her comments offensive.

It's a small thing, really. But this is how I want my children to be. This particular woman is actually a very nice woman and very tolerant on paper. I think both times she was trying to be funny and make us laugh. But the more we accept racism as anything but plain and simple racism, the more we give it the opportunity to stay. Racism is not a joke. This woman felt very bad afterward and apologized and spent the rest of the weekend double checking all her comments to make sure she wasn't leaving the impression of racism or intolerance. I honestly feel she is a good person, but it is easy to get into habits that we don't always realize are so damaging.

Anyway, apart from all the political and religious undertones, we took some interesting classes. One of my favorites was on feeding your family healthy foods. As you might expect, I went shopping when I got home and restocked my fridge and pantry. For breakfast, my two sweeties got whole wheat bagels with cream cheese or oatmeal with honey and cinnamon (no complaints). For lunch, however, when I served them lean turkey and mozarella in whole wheat tortillas, with cantelope and pear slices and carrots and avacadoes with hummus and ranch dressing dip, you should have seen their faces. "MOOOOOOMMMM!!! I don't LIKE healthy food!!!!" To be honest, Q devoured it. E was the one with the complaints. I served a healthy dinner, too, with fewer complaints (pork roast with fennel seasoning, potatoes, sauted asparagus and garlic, and sun dried tomatoe couscous.) I am going to conviently forget to tell you about the few handfuls of cheetoes and Diet Dr. Pepper I had for breakfast or the M&M cookie ice cream sandwiches my two kiddos had for a snack, so thank you for not asking about that.

Oy. Lots of confusing stuff going on. DH's brother Gerald is not doing real well health-wise. He's having some tests run tomorrow to look for cancer, so any good vibes or prayers or meditations out there would be appreciated.