So I was on the phone with Jim yesterday, from Antarctica... Really. How cool is that? I'll throw it into casual conversation again - I was talking to Jim yesterday when he called me from Antarctica...
Anyway, it was a less-than-wonderful workday; one of those days that I go home feeling like I have skipped back to student status. EARLY student status. I got an email from a coworker at Penn State who was asking me if I'd like to work with him on a quick paper to look at sunrise/sunset flight data on HOx chemistry (I promise I'm not going lapse into a boring technical description of my work). He gave me his reasons and wants to do a short, focused modeling study.
OK. So I am 1) flattered that he wrote me 2) wondering why he didn't cc Jim, as usually happens since he's my fearless leader. Sounds good to me - but I'm not sure what he wants from me, blah blah blah.
Dingbat.
I'm on the phone with Jim FROM ANTARCTICA (did I mention that yet?) and I commented on the email. Silence. "What do you think about it, Jennifer?" he asks. I blather on... Silence. "Well," he says, sounding tired, "in the paper you're publishing now, we pretty much put that to rest don't we? That there's nothing more we can do modeling wise.... (and at this point I will skip the technical details for you)."
I don't know. Sometimes I wonder why I do this stuff. I love it, I love it, and I GET things while I'm doing them. But I have no retention. I mean, I can keep my kids' schedules straight and remember what's in the pantry and when I need to have cookies made and when to take the PTA cashbox up to the school. Why can't I keep work business in my head? And not just minor things, but things that I conclude in MY OWN PAPERS. Idiot.
I've got a bunch of excuses ready to cite....but really, I think I bounce against my capability wall sometimes. I am very good at finding immediate solutions at work to coding problems, and at looking at details. But sometimes the big picture just eludes me.
Bah. I just hate feeling dumb.
Did I mention that at the conference with Q's teacher on Monday, she told us that he has extreme perfectionist tendencies (especially for an elementary aged kid) that his teacher would like us all to work on helping him to control? Hehm.
3 comments:
It's called losing focus and Subconsciously you really want to do something else. I wander why I even got into the IT field all the time! Someone will ask me a technical question, and they sound like they are speaking another language or something to that effect. Oh, I'm with you all the way whenever it comes to the kid's schedule and all that stuff. Bring up a recipe or something like that, and I remember everything in the most minute(???) detail! LOL.. I read your friend's recipe for fried green beans and just had to give her a few extra things to put in it, but didn't want to seem like I was trying to tell her how to fix them! LOL. I've been doing mine like that for about 15 years now and can't really stand them any other way.
TTYL
SR
Nah - I don't think I want to do something else. I truly love my work. I love the people I work with, I love that I feel it's relevent, and it's challenging and interesting.
I think part of my problem is that I'm part time, trying to do a full-time job, so I'm constantly over-extended.
I *enjoy* my work...I just feel like an idiot sometimes. :-) (which also comes from comparing myself to some very very smart people).
Yeah, that Atmospheric Science degree from A&M...I heard that was a blow-off major...don't have to be SMART to get that degree...well, not as smart as other majors, like say...marketing.
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