Q will be wearing a bloody shirt to school today, and bringing a couple of saws and some scissors for amputataions (though mom has required that a couple of combs be substituted for the saws lest he ends up on the front page as the latest kid expelled for bringing weapons to school). He's an army surgeon for the confederacy and will be presenting the story of his life to his classroom. And doncha know he latched RIGHT ON to the whole gory description of how civil war-era amputations took place and is all excited about explaining that in detail. He's got bottles of ether and whiskey in his doctor's bag, too. Oh, and he threw in a sidestory about being captured by the union forces but he escaped with a bagful of their messages and returned home in glory...only to lose the war of course. Boys.
Obviously, the 4th grade is in the middle of their civil war unit and I tell you, I feel so inadequate. "Mommy, where is 'The Wilderness'?" Me: Hmmm, what honey? You mean the woods? Silence. "Mom. The important civil war battle." Me: Oh. Yeah. Well....civil war battle? More silence. "Where's dad?"
I am fast losing ground as a smart mom. The other day, Q was lamenting how NO ONE at school likes him and he has no friends and he just wants to be home schooled. Then he said (my son the martyr) "But knowing my luck I'd end up with a horrible teacher." I looked at him oddly. I asked if he were joking, then asked if he knew who his teacher would be if he were homeschooled. He had no idea. When I told him it would be me, he looked absolutely incredulous. Then he laughed. "Mom!! You couldn't teach me! You don't know that stuff!"
Hmph. At least that's removed the silly idea of wanting to be homeschooled from his head.
And baseball. He was in a clinic last week and came home all excited about what he learned about being a catcher. He started telling me how to frame pitches and how to turn his glove and my eyes glazed over and he (again) asked where his dad was. Oh well. I still cook the best cheeseburgers in the world for him. Seriously. He likes mine even more than Burger King's or Sonic's. So there.
3 comments:
Oh, the "horrible homeschooled teacher" comment was priceless. You can't possibly make this stuff up it's so good. LOL. Gotta love it.
LMAO at the horrible homeschooled teacher! Man, that was funny! Tell him, "you think that I'm terrible? I know a few people that I went to school with back in Texas that would make me look like Einstein!" :) I can barely keep up with 5th grade math!
Baseball,,,, now, that's another story! Mom's shouldn't be expected to know baseball as well as Dad's though,,,, don't beat yourself up about that. Integrate the story of baseball into politics and tell him the story of Castro sometime.
Oh, Mare put Q up to saying that.... heehee...
SR
I'm loving the image of the blood-stained Quinton going to school and grossing everyone out with detailed descriptions of amputations! Katherine is like this too, she loves this shark book filled with detailed gross-out descriptions of shark attacks!
I am cracking up at how a PhD can't save you from these sort of kid put-downs!! Whew.
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