Thoughts on things that give me comfort

Rain. The sound and sense of soft, steady, cold rain while I'm in my bed or cozied up on the couch with a book makes me feel warm and drowsy. The idea that I am cocooned in a safe place, in my personal harbor against the rest of the world, gives me a sense of gentle power over my own destiny. It doesn't matter that in reality, any power I have is an illusion - it's the feeling of the moment that I cherish. I will also sit on the steps to watch the rain as it moves the trees and the grass. I look up at the clouds and marvel at how enormous the sky is. That a single drop of rain finds its way from the majesty of the sky to land on the leaf of the plant beside my foot makes me feel integrated with the world. I'm not a visitor on the earth, but I am of this world.

Nighttime. To watch the sky as twilight fades into darkness is magical. The cover of light that essentially blinds us to all but our local world slowly slips away, and the reality of our small place in the depth and breadth of the stars and galaxies can finally be seen. It as if the door to reality opens as the universe is revealed. I find this enormously comforting. I go to the night sky to remind myself that I am not the focus.

Odors. Baking bread and brewing coffee. Warm cookies. The bite of sauteing onions and garlic. The crispness in the air that comes with a clean and tidy house. The darkness of smell that comes with a wood fire in the fireplace. The smell of laundry fresh from the dryer as I hold its warmth in my arms. I picture these odors as lovely ribbons of dark color that slowly wrap around me.

Solitude. I am naturally a very solitary and quiet person. I enjoy the peace of solitude. I have tried to rewrite my genetic code to be more of a people-person but it never feels honest to me. I am most comfortable in the quietness of my family or one-on-one with a friend. There is too much beautiful simplicity in the air around me that I miss when the focus is on frenetic human activity. I find comfort in quiet.

Creativity. The act of baking. I find comfort in the repetition of kneading bread, of mixing ingredients, the feeling that I am nurturing and providing for my family. Cooking and baking is a creative experience for me. I love the idea of a recipe. In this, a final creation is broken down into its individual components, the combination of which is often surprising and larger than the sum of its parts. I feel much the same about knitting. (This is something I've given up over the last several busy years and would love to rediscover.)

Order. A clean and tidy house. I crave order. I would love to have a month and an unlimited budget to organize and clean my house. I am not very good at either cleanliness or order, so this is a constant struggle in my life. I realize that it sounds quite shallow and artificial, and much at odds with my love of the chaotic natural world. Perhaps I love science because it is a way to understand the workings of nature, and understanding brings a sense of order to the seemingly unstructured.

Connections. My friendships are devastatingly important to me. To find someone that is genuinely interested in me, in what I believe, in what scares me and what gives me comfort - is a treasure. These are friends that don't define me or pigeonhole me. It is a fluid relationship, and we find worth in the act of constantly changing and learning with each other. In real connections, there is no judgment, and differences are cherished as much as similarities. These connections are very rare, but that I have found some lasting ones gives me much comfort and peace.