my beautiful rut

I woke up this morning and couldn't remember where or who I was. Really. You know the fog that sometimes covers your brain when you're fresh awake? Normally it only takes a second or two to burn off, but this morning I swear I sat there for a full minute trying to remember the last several decades of my life. Imagine my surprise (and disappointment?) when I realized I'm so horribly normal, so average, so married with 2.5 (ok, honestly, it's just 2) children, a dog, a cat, an upper-middle income, a house, a position with the PTA and stuff I do at my church. Two TVs, a minivan, kids that play baseball and chess... I'm quite happy. I really am. But - BOR-RING. Uninteresting. Pasta without peppers. Zestless.

Anyway, heavy stuff to wake up to on a Sunday morning.

I haven't written in a while... Rita has come and gone since then. My dad's hometown (Kirbyville - 30 miles north of Beaumont, TX) and, more significantly, my grandmother and several aunts, uncles and cousins, were all directly affected. The storm leveled the town and took out all the bountiful east Texas trees around there. All people are fine and houses are fine, though. My grandmother is living with mom and dad until the town is back operational. So then, a friend in southern California evacuated her home because of the out-of-control fires, and yesterday in Pakistan, something like what - 20 thousand people died in the earthquake? I think the soul of Gaia earth is angry. She deserves to be, since we are essentially raping her.

On a more local level, I helped with our school's fall carnival on Friday. Good lord. I have never been so tired in my entire life, and that includes the double all-nighter I had to pull in college during my PhD qualifiers. This area has suffered a drought, for something like all summer, and it picked the day of our fall carnival to rain. (Gaia earth is mad, I told you). So we moved the whole thing inside, which was fine other than the noise and heat and the noise and heat and the noise. The kids had a blast. We made lots of money that we can feed right back into the school. But I killed my feet - I think I gave myself shin splints from running around for 12 hours in my cute little boots. I looked good, yeah hey, but now I'm hobbling around in constant pain.

I also got sick, finally. I knew it was only a matter of time since I've gone nuts with trying to prove I'm superhuman and can do it all. I actually didn't feel all that bad at first, but I totally lost my voice for two days. Now that's something fun. It's comical how so many people whisper back to you when you whisper at them. And Q was so sweet. He was very worried about me and kept patting me on the back and asking if I was OK.

So in my blog-absence, my life has continued along happily through the well-worn rut. I will give myself this, though. I am enjoying my rut. I occasionally stop and watch my children in all their innocence and with all their potential, I see my rock of a husband, I look up at the stars and try to see their color, and I try to let the fall season really seep in through my pores. I remember to try to get high on air and sun. So though my rut is a rut, it is well-loved.