I've actually written several posts this last week, but I chose not to publicly post them for various reasons. It's been one of those weeks.
My (98 year old) grandmother had a stroke but is recovering nicely now. However, a few days ago my uncle died from a freak skill-saw accident while my aunt was visiting Mamaw in the hospital. It really knocked the breath out of me. No death, particularly of a loved one, is "easy." But this one so much came from out of the blue when we were all focused on my grandmother, and was so horrific, that I feel sucker-punched. Rodney was one of the kindest people I know, too - he was always active in his church, in his community, and was such a strong family man. I didn't necessarily have an extremely close one-on-one relationship with him, but he was part of my family and was always a stable fixture in my life. He and Lynell visited me out here when they were visiting the east coast a few years ago. I was touched that they went out of their way to see me. He was always calm and peaceful and in control, and was always smiling. He was one of the real ones - a purely kind person. This is one of those deaths where if I did believe in a god that was active in human lives, I would be irrationally (or rationally) angry at him. Because I don't, however, I don't have a place to put my anger. The fact that life is uncontrollable is crystal clear to me just now, and leaves me feeling vulnerable and fragile.
For my family, here is an obituary I found. The entries in the guest book show what kind of person people thought Rodney was.
I find myself searching for something to take from this, and end up feeling selfish. What is clear is that life is fleeting. I can let that scare me or let it spur me into enjoying every second I have with my amazingly complex and beautiful children, my stable and loving husband, my fun and always warm family and my most amazing friends.
6 comments:
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sometimes things make no sense.
Hang in there.
Hugs.
We went to the funeral yesterday. It was absolutely amazing. They closed the schools early in that tiny little town, specifically for his funeral. I think the entire town showed up. There was not enough room in the sanctuary to hold all the people - they had about 100 chairs set up in the church gym with a live-video setup.
I have never seen so many flowers.
It was truly a beautiful thing to see.
He was very loved, and will be missed.
Wow, that's so nice to hear that there wasn't enough room to hold all the people that cared about him. We can all hope we are as lucky when we pass. This story is so sad though, so depressing.
I feel for you, J. It's always so nice for alot of people to turn out for someone's funeral, especially if it's someone that you careabout. death is a very cruel thing for people that value life as much as we do. Hope that makes sense. Whenever someone passes away that's close to you, you never get over it. It just gets easier to deal with it over time. It really makes you look at things differently.
You're loved by many!
Trouble.
So sorry you lost him too soon. You capture so well that existential feeling after such a senseless loss! I think savoring every minute with your family is a sane response...hugs and love LT
What an amazing man he must have been. They closed the schools for his funeral! That is the mark of a life well lived. I am so sorry for your and your family's loss.
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