...in which the ramblings of a mommy watching her babies turn into preteens turns into a ideological religious essay

Note: I have been writing and editing this post for 3 days now. I'm losing my mind and have absolutely no focus. Send help!

Perspective is the absolutely fascinating ingredient of understanding that creates very different interpretations from one common set of facts. For instance, having returned from my middle schooler's Back to School night, I can tell you that the way preteens relate a particular story is not necessarily the way teachers relate them. Both parties can be reporting the facts quite accurately. It's the emphasis, the subtleties, the innuendos that transform an entire storyline. For example, Q's interpretation of his mild upset at losing his science binder was interpreted as a complete meltdown by his teacher. In both cases, there were the facts of 1) a lost binder and 2) some tears. But the two interpretations as related to me, were worlds apart.

What am I talking about, really?
Dunno really. Just some observations.

One parent in the gym Tuesday night was going on and on and on (she was furious) about a particular day when her kids were 2 hours late coming home on the bus. Apparently, there were a huge number of drivers out sick that day so they had to double up the runs and didn't do a particularly good job of organizing it. She was angry enough to write an email to the school superintendent, and was furious that he forwarded it on to the transportation department rather than answer it himself. (??? I thought that was a perfectly appropriate response, in light of my newfound love of delegating, says me the PTA prez). I sat there quietly for a while (I was eavesdropping) and thought about how I would have shrugged it off as a nasty end to my kids' days and gone to buy them a milkshake. I just can't get all worked up over random uncontrollables like that. On the other hand, I went ballistic when my son lost two checks I sent in to school via him, and made him pay for his gym clothes out of his own money as a result. When I met his gym teacher on Back to School night, she looked at me in poorly masked horror when I explained why he paid for his gym clothes with (in part) 7 or 8 dollars worth of change. All parties knew all the facts in those stories. We just interpreted them differently and reacted to them differently.

One of Q's assignments in science class involves writing out very precise instructions on how to tie a shoe. He was in hysterics describing to me how his teacher would read each student's instructions and follow them very very literally and would end up with her hands tangled up in the laces. We rarely, if ever, depend purely on facts to relate a process, or to relate a story. It's very difficult to do. We depend heavily on interpretation. And that's where it all gets tricky, because unlike facts, which are concrete, interpretation is a fluid thing.

This is why I claim I have no patience for religious extremists (which run the gammut from fundamentalist christians and orthodox jews to whacky pagans and angry atheists.) Anyone who is so sure they know the "whole truth" that they have decided to condemn the rest of the world's interpretation as wrong or evil fits my definition of extremist. This is a fundamental weakness in human thought - the need to believe that our interpretations are as solid as fact. We are so uncomfortable with admitting that "We don't know," and with leaving loose ends in our understanding of the universe, that we convert our interpretations into fact to prove to ourselves we are right and make ourselves feel more comfortable. We end up hemming ourselves in with our own perceptions of "truth". In our quest to claim understanding, we refuse to acknowledge that our beliefs are not based on fact, but on only our interpretation of fact. Why is it that humans tend to gravitate toward close-mindedness naturally, and it takes work to open yourself back up again?

I don't think we should abandon our interpretations. That's what gives our lives the meaning we crave. But the close-minded approach of converting them into absolute truth shuts out the validity of all other interpretations completely and is what sparks misunderstanding, s tops communication, and ultimately leads to conflict, war, and abuse.

We would surely all do well to listen more.
We would do well to step back from our goal of being right and move on to a goal of trying to understand.
We would do well to learn to compromise.