My big accomplishment for the week is stumping my doctor. He has no idea why this mystery rash that makes me claw my skin off has shown up on my arms and back for the last month. After observing the clawmarks on my skin, he prescribed a hefty dose of prednisone to keep me from disfiguring myself which does nothing for an actual cure. Does the fun never end??!!
While I was shivering in the fresh May air (Coldspell!) this afternoon whilst watching E practice baseball, several other moms and I struck up a conversation about parenting and all the things this generation of parents is doing wrong. (Now, I didn't say I necessarily agreed with them). The gist of what they were saying is that current parents seem to have several loads of baggage we choose lug around with us that previous generations didn't: namely guilt and the happiness syndrome. Mom "A" said that she was highly envious and impressed with the parenting style of her bro and sis-in-law, which seems to be in the same vein as Nanny 911; i.e., parent-led household as opposed to kid-led, clear rules, consistency, and no problem with having the little sweeties go through tough and uncomfortable times if the need arises. She said she felt like current popular thinking is, alternately, to provide happiness at all times to children, and to bend your life in order to achieve that. We don't want them to grow up in need of anything. We are here to provide them the perfect and fulfilled childhood that they deserve.
My unspoken reaction was "Uh-uh!!!!", which I kept to myself despite its being so obviously articulate. OK, well. I guess her assessment is not really so far off base, maybe. But I know good and well that she, and myself, and the other moms that were there, are not really that far out there on the crunchy-granola, feel-good, touchy-feely front. None of us are going to let Johnny get away with sassing because we're afraid to hurt his feelings. None of us are going to do homework for him or let him run the household.
As we speak, Q was wandering through the house in a funk because he lost his "Thursday folder" and is under dire threats of abuse from his teacher if he can't find it (his version). DH and I were helping him look, but the minute I saw him sitting in the hallway sulking rather than looking, I told him this was his issue to deal with and not mine, and I came back here in the office to finish up my blog-thing. We told him it's his responsibility so he'll just deal with the consequences. OTOH, E came in telling me she needs a bag to put her piano books in and she asked if she could just use one of the old bags in the closet. I said sure for now, but I'd love to buy her a new one.
So there you are. Tough mom/softy mom. I wonder if parenting styles have really changed all that much over the years, or if it's simply the pundits and the way that we frame it for ourselves that has changed. I don't see that much difference in the way I parented and the way that my parents parented me (other than the whole seat belt thing, but that's just the way things were back then).
I told Mom "A" and the other moms that I figured regardless of what we do, our kids are going to turn out fine. (They did not look convinced). I thought the issue with parenting was primarily how insane we want to make ourselves during the process. (They didn't look convinced with that either). So I'm not Rosemond and I'm not Dr. Sears (of attachment parenting fame). I'm just me doing what I feel like works for my kids. I don't cook them separate meals (they have to make a pb&j sandwich if they don't like the looks of supper). OTOH, I don't make them clear their plates. They don't have specific chores. OTOH, they are expected to help when we ask, and they certainly have a lot of responsibilities with their homework, piano, and baseball. We sometimes eat dinner in front of the TV and computer in XM radio rather than together at the table. I have taken away Game Cube from a particular son who shall remain nameless for a month because of behavior issues. And I have let the kids discuss consequences with me and compromised on things when they have good points.
You know, you just do what you do. The earth is going to keep spinning around until the sun explodes and the universe is going to keep expanding and contracting, or just expanding, or splitting into alternate universes, or catching up to other universes, etc., etc., despite whether we buy our kiddos most of what they want or decide to educate them in the realities of need. You know?
In the meantime, I'll be lifting weights and bulking up with these steroids and maybe I'll have me a MLB contract before the rash goes away.
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