time for being mom

Out of the blue today, Mare told me that she could tell from reading my blog when I switched from writing for myself to writing for others. After all this time, I shouldn't be surprised that two nights ago as I was trying to think of what to write in my blog, I said to myself "Hmmmm, self...I seem to have shifted from writing for myself to writing for other people." When you've been best friends for 30+ years I guess it's a given that you can read each other like a book - or a journal, or blog, heh heh. Heh. I want it on this record, too, that when Mare took the dog quiz she ended up with the exact same dog I ended up with when I answered for her. So it works both ways. A little freaky, maybe, but oddly comforting.

I wore my mom hat all day today. I took the kids to get haircuts at 10, made them a delicious lunch of spaghettios, picked up Q's friend to take the two of them to science camp, realized Q forgot his camp shirt so had to rush back home to get it, resulting in my dropping them off for camp about 10 minutes late. (aside here - kudos to Q for not losing it. He's learning some maturity after all). The camp was having a parents' open house at 3:30 so E and I stayed down in the city, having to find a way to kill 3 hours. We did a little shopping and eating of ice cream, and visited the SPCA. Boy, that place just kills me. I fell in love with one shepard-mix dog with big warm eyes who loved to lick my fingers through the cage. I cannot stand watching those dogs through the cages. I put human emotions on them, imagining them trying to catch my eye and make enough of an impression that I'll take them home. They're not really doing that, are they? Are they? They sure put on a good show. So we attended the open house and I left just all the more impressed with my flesh and blood. He's a cool kid, that son of mine. We sat in on their physics class, and the teachers (high school students at the governor's school, which means they are very very smart HS students) were demonstrating to us the kinds of things the kids learned. They'd ask questions, and there is no doubt that if Q were to be transported to Harry Potter land he'd be Hermione. His hand shot up in the air after every question, and the poor HS kids were desperately trying to get other kids to answer. Aw. He loved that camp. We rushed home through bad traffic to try to get to Kaitlyn's horse show - went by Sonic to grab dinner, then Karin called on my cell to tell me they cancelled the horse show. So now I'm home, too full from a Sonic cheesburger, with an already half-drunk glass of wine in front of me, realizing this is the first time today I've stopped being mom.

And that's fine - I have to say that I THRIVE on being mom. I totally dig the whole PTA thing, and love having the house full of kids. I wonder if I'll be OK once I'm not needed like this any more. It's exhausting and frustrating, but when you are needed so much, and when you are so central in the lives of important people, it sure gives you a sense of worth. But sometimes when I'm getting ready in the morning, I look at myself in the mirror and see the same eyes that I saw when I was in high school myself, and it's just WEIRD. I don't think my self has been lost in all this - it has been transformed, and in a better way - but sometimes it's hard to see it under all the mom paraphanelia. There will be a time when I can shed all that and find it again. I'm not ready to yet, and in fact it scares me just a little to think about doing that. But not a lot.

Life - is very cool.