Well I certainly took a hiatus. It was unplanned, actually. I apologize to all two of my dedicated followers. :-)
Since July 17, the date of my last post, we've gone on vacation to Colorado. We went white-water rafting and hiking and soaked in the hot tub under the Rocky Mountain stars. What I remember most though, is that my daughter got sick with what I assumed was a stomach bug - she was complaining of stomach pain and throwing up, with a fever. After a day of letting her sleep at the rental cabin, I went to check on her and "something" suddenly kicked in. My mom-instincts flashed on and I told my husband I really needed to take her to the ER. Turns out that mom-instincts are pretty awesome. She had appendicitis and was in surgery 4 hours after we arrived at the ER. I've tried to figure out exactly what it was that triggered my instincts. Logically, it was a combination of things - she was complaining about stomach pain more than usual, she had mentioned to me that she was peeing every time she threw up (which was multiple times that night), she groaned when she sat up...but still, the right side of her abdomen wasn't where her pain was centered, and everything else just screamed "normal stomach bug". It was partially the few unusual things, but also - I think that I could just tell something was different in a very hand-wavy sort of way. I can't articulate it. Perhaps if I was better at diagnosing my feelings or fears, or if I was better at remembering minute details I could tell you. But ultimately, something deep inside went from "off" to "on" and I KNEW, I absolutely KNEW within an instant that this was not a stomach bug.
Thank goodness, too, because her surgeon told us her appendix was particularly nasty and he could see an abrasion along it where it looked like it was close to rupturing. Oh, and her surgeon told us her appendix happened to be located in the center of her abdomen.
So.
We came home and finished up the summer. My kids mostly played video games and watched TV and ate microwaved hot pockets. This is not what I'd wished for them, but it's what they did. I would have enjoyed if they had taken up knitting or art while I was at work, and if they'd eaten cucumbers and green beans and peaches from our CSA. But you know, they enjoyed their little bit of independence and they DID do the chores I left outlined for them in the dreaded "summer notebooks" each day. They called me multiple times each day while I was at work, so I pretty much knew what they were doing each minute. They begin their new school years tomorrow. All supplies have been bought and are either already at school or are in their backpacks. They have new lunchboxes, and have enough new clothes (or uniforms in the case of my son) to get them through at least a week. They both went to bed on time tonight, after showers, and set their alarms. We're good to go.
In the meantime, I'm still reeling from the insanity in the US. Don't get me STARTED on the shrill nonsense the ultra-right is spewing over President Obama's planned speech to school children tomorrow. We've had our own minor uproar here locally when a parent used our PTA volunteer email list to send political propaganda against the speech. Me, being the DOOFUS that I am, noticed that he planned to pull his child out of school tomorrow because he was so against him hearing the speech. While I fail to understand how anything ANYTHING the president plans to say tomorrow justifies such action, I did take note that my information (which happened to have come directly from the superintendent of our school district) indicated that our school planned to tape the speech and air it Wednesday. Part of me giggled at the idea of him keeping his son home Tuesday only to discover after the fact that he would have been exposed to the dreaded "socialist propaganda" which encouraged children to work hard and stay in school when his son returned on Wednesday. But then my f*cking moral, earnest part kicked in and I thought the man deserved to at least know the facts. So I sent him an email telling him that while I didn't agree with him politically, I thought we should all have access to the facts.
Well. Stoopid me. Several emails later, I realized that he was not going to quit arguing with me over the appropriate use of our PTA email list, or demanding to know why my information on when the speech would be shown didn't mesh with the media's, so I told him to take it up with our president and that I wished to have no further correspondence with him. As a past president, I did feel a little guilty about this, especially since I'm good friends with the current president. But there you are. He'll figure it all out when the principal sends home a note tomorrow explaining exactly what will be happening on Wednesday and what he needs to do to protect his child from the Nazi-socialist-propaganda.
For the love of GOD!!!!!
I thought political games were nasty months ago. I had no idea how stupid they were yet to become.
And yet, life goes on. I had a lovely LOVELY conversation today with my beautiful friend Jamie, reminding me that friends are what it's all about. I will consider not picking up and moving to New England just so I can stay near her and many of my other friends here who make it easy(er) to live down here amidst so many many MANY people with political and cultural opinions that are lifetimes away from my own. It's all OK. I only need a little connection to make it OK.
(But Jen K, keep an eye out for good home opportunities up there just in case).
Showing posts with label circle of friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label circle of friends. Show all posts
Monday, September 07, 2009
Sunday, July 05, 2009
another birthday
Today is my birthday, and look at what gift I received from Mother Nature.
As of 2:45 this afternoon:
Updated Jul 5 02:45 p.m. ET
I've got the air conditioning off and the windows open so I can hear the rain and feel the cool wind. Mmmm. I'm watching it come down, and the smell of wet earth is heavy in the house now. I'm still full from a lovely birthday brunch from a dear friend this morning (grits casserole, sausage, bacon, blueberry pound cake, baked french toast from homemade sourdough bread, fresh fruit, orange juice, coffee, etc), and am now happy with a beer and cheez-its. I've got all the senses happily covered. Daughter E is busy baking me a cake and our plans are to go out to dinner tonight. I'm thinking perhaps lobster or crab legs? Woo.
Speaking of senses, I feel more than a little overwhelmed with love today. I'm getting lovely and thoughtful gifts and lots of hugs and kisses and phone calls. If I can get over my guilt about being the recipient of such a wealth of love, it'll be an absolutely perfect birthday.
I'm mostly feeling ambivalence over turning 45. Actually, I've been mistakenly thinking I was already 45 for the last several months, so the real birthday lost any punch in that respect long ago. One year ago on my birthday, I was on a bus riding toward Cold Lake in Alberta, Canada for our field campaign. I stared out as the Texas-like landscape rolled by and tried to think deeply about what I wanted as I entered the mid-40s. Today, I've been trying to remember what it was that I wanted for this past year. I wanted to lose weight (well I have, though I've promptly put it back on again), I wanted to have a better organized house (parts of it are better and parts of it are worse), I wanted to be more patient with my kids (I am sometimes, and am sometimes not). In other words, all these abstract, hand-wavy things that I wanted to improve in my life this last year are about the same as they were then.
What I really accomplished without any prior planning, is living another year, and thoroughly enjoying it.
Our dear assistant principal at the kids' elementary school is retiring this year. I adore this man. I've heard him quote something from his uncle many times. "Whatever it is that life puts in your way, it's up to you to enjoy the ride." His uncle was killed in the 9/11 attacks, which makes his words resonate all the more.
This last year has been a pretty easy one for me, personally. It's not hard to enjoy life when things are going mostly as you have planned. I'm certainly not looking for a tough year, though I know there are inevitably some out there in my future. In the meantime, the best I can do is practice enjoying the ride, with all the unplanned little curves and jogs that take me by surprise. And that's what I hope my 45th year will be filled with. Open eyes, ears that truly hear, slow meals where I truly savor the taste, deep breaths and long pauses.
As of 2:45 this afternoon:
 Light Rain | 65°F Feels Like 65°F |
I've got the air conditioning off and the windows open so I can hear the rain and feel the cool wind. Mmmm. I'm watching it come down, and the smell of wet earth is heavy in the house now. I'm still full from a lovely birthday brunch from a dear friend this morning (grits casserole, sausage, bacon, blueberry pound cake, baked french toast from homemade sourdough bread, fresh fruit, orange juice, coffee, etc), and am now happy with a beer and cheez-its. I've got all the senses happily covered. Daughter E is busy baking me a cake and our plans are to go out to dinner tonight. I'm thinking perhaps lobster or crab legs? Woo.
Speaking of senses, I feel more than a little overwhelmed with love today. I'm getting lovely and thoughtful gifts and lots of hugs and kisses and phone calls. If I can get over my guilt about being the recipient of such a wealth of love, it'll be an absolutely perfect birthday.
I'm mostly feeling ambivalence over turning 45. Actually, I've been mistakenly thinking I was already 45 for the last several months, so the real birthday lost any punch in that respect long ago. One year ago on my birthday, I was on a bus riding toward Cold Lake in Alberta, Canada for our field campaign. I stared out as the Texas-like landscape rolled by and tried to think deeply about what I wanted as I entered the mid-40s. Today, I've been trying to remember what it was that I wanted for this past year. I wanted to lose weight (well I have, though I've promptly put it back on again), I wanted to have a better organized house (parts of it are better and parts of it are worse), I wanted to be more patient with my kids (I am sometimes, and am sometimes not). In other words, all these abstract, hand-wavy things that I wanted to improve in my life this last year are about the same as they were then.
What I really accomplished without any prior planning, is living another year, and thoroughly enjoying it.
Our dear assistant principal at the kids' elementary school is retiring this year. I adore this man. I've heard him quote something from his uncle many times. "Whatever it is that life puts in your way, it's up to you to enjoy the ride." His uncle was killed in the 9/11 attacks, which makes his words resonate all the more.
This last year has been a pretty easy one for me, personally. It's not hard to enjoy life when things are going mostly as you have planned. I'm certainly not looking for a tough year, though I know there are inevitably some out there in my future. In the meantime, the best I can do is practice enjoying the ride, with all the unplanned little curves and jogs that take me by surprise. And that's what I hope my 45th year will be filled with. Open eyes, ears that truly hear, slow meals where I truly savor the taste, deep breaths and long pauses.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Recap
Being a self-professed and totally-accepting-of-myself type-A anal extraordinaire, there should be no surprise from anyone who knows me that my favorite holiday is New Year's. What's not to love about the ending of an old chapter, and then the beginning of a new one? ...about neatly tying up loose ends and packaging the old year into the box labeled "the past?" ...about a pure, clean, unblemished fresh new slate lying before me as I balance precariously up on the very left tip-top of the New Year's calendar on January 1? As much as I love the anticipation of the yet-to-come, I also love the wrap-up of the past year. I'll be the one parked on the sofa watching CNN's montage (to cheesy music) of the big stories from 2008, and I'll even shed tears for parts of it. (For what it's worth, I actually used to grade my years as well, and select songs for them. Haven't done that recently....Maybe I should return to this?)
So bear with me in this completely indulgent post as I reminisce over my past 12 months.
Without hesitation, 2008 will always and forever be to me the year that my country pulled its head out of its ass and finally made an intelligent decision by electing Barack Obama as our president. I've been wishing for this for 8 years, and anticipating it (with a name to my wish) for four years. I can't tell you why I instantaneously felt as strongly as I did in July of 2004, and I fully admit that then, it was purely a gut feeling that I knew he was destined to be my president. However, it ended up that my gut feeling was spot on and was only strengthened as I was able to shore it up with information, learning more about him through the years. This is a man with intelligence and integrity. This is a man of MY generation (I say with pride). This is someone who respects humanity, respects science and has ears to hear. He is the real deal (thank GOD). I wasn't sure exactly when he would become president, but the fact that it happened in 2008 will endear this year to me forever, despite the rest of the crap that happened worldwide.
So other than that obvious, my year-in-a-nutshell consists of the following:
This year I finally went into the field (Fairbanks, Alaska and Cold Lake, Canada) during our aircraft campaign. I am enormously glad I went, and documented some of my personal thoughts on the Discovery Channel science blog. For anyone who's interested, here are my entries. There weren't as many as I would have liked - I was sick for a significant part of my time in Fairbanks (99% sure I had Rubella, oddly enough - a mild but exhausting illness for a middle-aged gal).
here1
here2
here3
and here4.
We added a gorgeous sunroom onto the back of our house.
We had a fantastic vacation this summer in Boston and Maine - were able to see not only my boys play in Fenway, but got to spend time with not-often-seen-friends in the Boston area.
I learned this year that I was able to survive Jamie and Jamie and their beautiful children being located in Austria for the year. It's been hard, and I could not go for longer than a year without them, but I have survived (so far). But hurry home please. I need that honesty and acceptance and pure love from your family. Plus, my kids are a million times happier when their best friends are nearby.
We saw the Counting Crows and Maroon 5 and Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew."
I finished up a year of being PTA president and embarked upon a year of taking it easy in the volunteer department (am loving that, I tell you).
The Red Sox made the playoffs. I saw baseball-boyfriend Mikey play in person a couple of times.
Q and E were busy with soccer and baseball and Odyssey of the Mind and Girl Scouts and piano lessons and African Dance classes and science/math camps and cooking and art classes and Model UN and band and making excellent grades and playing with friends. I could not have imagined kids more fun, more awe-inspiring, more loving, or more all-around wonderful than the ones I ended up with.
As for my blogging life, it's interesting that I have been so consistent for the past several years with my blogging. I wrote 115 posts this year (111 in 2007 and 110 in 2006). October was my heaviest month, with 19 posts (pre-election build-up to be sure) and April and December were my slowest with 4 each (though this one makes 5 for December).
It's not been such a good year for a lot of people I know, though, or for most of the US or world. We have global warming issues to grapple with. We have an economic disaster on hand. There are many people I love who are now without a job. We have wars continuing to rage and the associated deaths of servicemen/women and civilians. Overall, 2008 has not been good to this little blue dot in the universe (from the human perspective, that is). However, since that perspective is the one I hold most dear, I'm going to throw all my wishes into improvement on that front during 2009.
A grade? I'm gonna give the world a C-. Only the election of Barack Obama kept us from failing. For myself personally, this was a B or B+ kind of year.
Year's theme song? What else? I didn't even have to think about it. This is what I played ALL NIGHT LONG on November 4 as I downed a bottle of wine and a bottle of champaign and cried and cried with joy as I emailed several of my friends through the night with cries of "WE'VE GOT PENNSYLVANIA!!!!" and "LOOKS LIKE OHIO!!!" as I told them to hang on and don't give up on VIRGINIA.... What a night to remember.
It goes along with my slogan for 2008:
"It was about f*cking time."
So bear with me in this completely indulgent post as I reminisce over my past 12 months.
Without hesitation, 2008 will always and forever be to me the year that my country pulled its head out of its ass and finally made an intelligent decision by electing Barack Obama as our president. I've been wishing for this for 8 years, and anticipating it (with a name to my wish) for four years. I can't tell you why I instantaneously felt as strongly as I did in July of 2004, and I fully admit that then, it was purely a gut feeling that I knew he was destined to be my president. However, it ended up that my gut feeling was spot on and was only strengthened as I was able to shore it up with information, learning more about him through the years. This is a man with intelligence and integrity. This is a man of MY generation (I say with pride). This is someone who respects humanity, respects science and has ears to hear. He is the real deal (thank GOD). I wasn't sure exactly when he would become president, but the fact that it happened in 2008 will endear this year to me forever, despite the rest of the crap that happened worldwide.So other than that obvious, my year-in-a-nutshell consists of the following:
This year I finally went into the field (Fairbanks, Alaska and Cold Lake, Canada) during our aircraft campaign. I am enormously glad I went, and documented some of my personal thoughts on the Discovery Channel science blog. For anyone who's interested, here are my entries. There weren't as many as I would have liked - I was sick for a significant part of my time in Fairbanks (99% sure I had Rubella, oddly enough - a mild but exhausting illness for a middle-aged gal).here1
here2
here3
and here4.
We added a gorgeous sunroom onto the back of our house.
We had a fantastic vacation this summer in Boston and Maine - were able to see not only my boys play in Fenway, but got to spend time with not-often-seen-friends in the Boston area.I learned this year that I was able to survive Jamie and Jamie and their beautiful children being located in Austria for the year. It's been hard, and I could not go for longer than a year without them, but I have survived (so far). But hurry home please. I need that honesty and acceptance and pure love from your family. Plus, my kids are a million times happier when their best friends are nearby.
We saw the Counting Crows and Maroon 5 and Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew."
I finished up a year of being PTA president and embarked upon a year of taking it easy in the volunteer department (am loving that, I tell you).
The Red Sox made the playoffs. I saw baseball-boyfriend Mikey play in person a couple of times.
Q and E were busy with soccer and baseball and Odyssey of the Mind and Girl Scouts and piano lessons and African Dance classes and science/math camps and cooking and art classes and Model UN and band and making excellent grades and playing with friends. I could not have imagined kids more fun, more awe-inspiring, more loving, or more all-around wonderful than the ones I ended up with.
As for my blogging life, it's interesting that I have been so consistent for the past several years with my blogging. I wrote 115 posts this year (111 in 2007 and 110 in 2006). October was my heaviest month, with 19 posts (pre-election build-up to be sure) and April and December were my slowest with 4 each (though this one makes 5 for December).
It's not been such a good year for a lot of people I know, though, or for most of the US or world. We have global warming issues to grapple with. We have an economic disaster on hand. There are many people I love who are now without a job. We have wars continuing to rage and the associated deaths of servicemen/women and civilians. Overall, 2008 has not been good to this little blue dot in the universe (from the human perspective, that is). However, since that perspective is the one I hold most dear, I'm going to throw all my wishes into improvement on that front during 2009.
A grade? I'm gonna give the world a C-. Only the election of Barack Obama kept us from failing. For myself personally, this was a B or B+ kind of year.
Year's theme song? What else? I didn't even have to think about it. This is what I played ALL NIGHT LONG on November 4 as I downed a bottle of wine and a bottle of champaign and cried and cried with joy as I emailed several of my friends through the night with cries of "WE'VE GOT PENNSYLVANIA!!!!" and "LOOKS LIKE OHIO!!!" as I told them to hang on and don't give up on VIRGINIA.... What a night to remember.
It goes along with my slogan for 2008:
"It was about f*cking time."
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I'm here...
I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long. It's Mare's fault for getting me to join facebook so blame her.
We're all doing well, and it's looking to be a very nice holiday season, with visits from friends and family in abundance. The first order of business is Thanksgiving, in which my littlest sister and her daughter (E's age) will come visit us. No matter how old and responsible she is, she will always be the baby in my mind - poor Seester Tra. I have a turkey in the fridge and have invited a boatload of people (who may or may not be able to come), but that's the extent of my planning so far. I did notice that E was curled up on the couch watching Altan Brown last night and was taking notes, so she will probably dictate to me what our meal will be.
I'll try to refocus energy here in the future, but you can still continue to blame Mare.
We're all doing well, and it's looking to be a very nice holiday season, with visits from friends and family in abundance. The first order of business is Thanksgiving, in which my littlest sister and her daughter (E's age) will come visit us. No matter how old and responsible she is, she will always be the baby in my mind - poor Seester Tra. I have a turkey in the fridge and have invited a boatload of people (who may or may not be able to come), but that's the extent of my planning so far. I did notice that E was curled up on the couch watching Altan Brown last night and was taking notes, so she will probably dictate to me what our meal will be.
I'll try to refocus energy here in the future, but you can still continue to blame Mare.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
coming soon....
I have always loved to write. I wrote a story about global warming when I was 12 (I LOVE that I did this). I wrote for our junior high newsletter. I kept diaries and journals through junior and senior high school. I spent virtually every single weekend of my high school years with BF Mare where we would eat pizza and applesauce and write stories to read to each other until dawn. (No WAY will I ever share any of these stories with anyone other than Mare. That is a privilege that she and I will both take to the grave - RIGHT Mare???? BFF privilege, ESPECIALLY BFF from the tender years of high school. To everyone else in the world I'm semi-together and mostly mature and it's going to stay that way. Mare will keep this secret, and because Mare, like me, has much to lose, I know I'm safe. Heh.)Anyway, I have always longed to have the word "author" tagged after my name. Even before I wanted to be a scientist, maybe even more than I wanted to be a musician, more than just about anything other than being a mother, I've wanted to be an author.
Well, that hasn't happened to me (yet), but it HAS happened to a friend of mine. My friend Holly Jahangiri has written and published a children's book (among other things), and because I am an enthusiastic supporter of not only my friends, but also of literature and children and especially GOOD literature for children, I have volunteered to have my blog host a spot on the Trick-or-Treat tour for this book. This will be next week on Thursday, October 9.
By the way, I bought this book several months ago, and I treasure it. It's called "Trockle" and is a story about what a little boy, Stephen, discovers about the "monster under his bed." The story is sweet and supportive of children and their imaginations, and the illustrations are beautiful. I don't have children young enough to give it to, and am keeping my copy for myself, but have several friends in mind for a gift this year.
Anyway, on October 9, I will be hosting an internet visit from Holly Jahangiri (author), Jordan M. Vinyard (illustrator) and Trockle (the monster that lives under Stephen's bed). I haven't done this before on my blog and probably won't ever do it again (unless another one of you readers writes a book), so don't expect my blog to become an advertising venue. This is a one-time thing for a good friend of mine who wrote a great book.
There will be prizes associated with this Trick or Treat tour. The prizes and rules for entering are below:
Grand Prize: A customized Halloween short story featuring your child (or grandchild, niece, nephew, or friend) with Trockle - written by Holly Jahangiri and illustrated by Jordan Vinyard.
Second Prize: A $20 gift certificate to Amazon.com.
To enter, complete the following steps:
(1) Purchase a copy of Trockle directly from 4RV Publishing (http://www.4rvpublishingllc.com/Store) between 12:00 AM October 5 and 11:59 PM October 13, and
(2) Send an email to president@4rvpublishingllc.com with your answer to the question posted at http://jahangiri.us/trockle-promo.html.
You may enter as often as you like, but all completed entries must be received before midnight on October 13! Winners will be announced at http://blog.jahangiri.us and at http://www.4rvpublishingllc.com. The winners will be chosen randomly from all correctly completed entries (see "To enter" above) and winners will be notified by email. IMPORTANT NOTE: The Grand Prize winner will need to work directly with the author and illustrator to create a memorable gift for that special child. To include the child's likeness in the illustration, you will need to provide a digital photo upon notification that you have won. Every effort will be made to deliver the prize prior to Halloween, but circumstances beyond our control may prevent that and we do not guarantee that it will arrive by October 31.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
here we go again
I swear I try to come across as all intellectual and cultured and stuff, yet every year I find myself pouring multiple glasses of Cabernet for myself as I curl up on the couch with my little daughter to watch American Idol. And I enjoy it. And I'm not embarrassed by it. Yes I am. No I'm not. Yes, no. whatever. I watch it. Me and my 9 year old, we are in synch.
Thoughts from tonight:
Daughter E and I (since we ARE a team) rated the contestants on a "hell no" ("for goodness sake, no way" in her case) , a "check minus (OK but weak), a check (pretty good), and a check+ (you rock and you make me want to cry) scale. We both had 3 check pluses tonight , and we had the same three guys. (I do NOT bias her, and any of you who really know E know it is impossible to influence her in any shape or form. The fact that we had had the same 3 pluses makes me think we have the final 3 figured out in a lock. Place your bets now.)
Our three winners:
1. Little young guy David Archuleta (17 y.o. ) who sounds like Rick Astley but isn't so programmed and looks MUCH more normal. I want to pinch his little cheeks.
2. Jason Castro (20), the white guy with the dreadlocks. He's cute. I want to pat his head.
3. Michael Johns (29) the Australian dude who mom thinks is really hot. I'm not going to go any further with this. Mom thinks he's hot. E thinks he sings good. Hmm.
For the other guys, I went through a complicated rating system whereby I called in only if neither of us voted "hell no" (or in E's case, that sweet little innocent "no"). One vote for a "check", two votes for two checks, and three votes for the 3 big winners in our household. Only for my daughter would I swim through a bottle of Cabernet to figure out how many times to vote for who.(It's not all that easy to figure out the "I" "D" "O" "L" numbers on a phone in a semi-dark room.
For geez sake, I can't believe we enjoy this blatently marketed show so much. I am ashamed for my family.
Yes I know it's programmed. Yes, I'm turned off by the marketing already in place by so many of the Final 24 (Have you googled their names? LOL!!!! Websites! Merchandise!) . But mostly yes, I'm having a blast sharing this with my 9 year old. Mare, if you lived near me, you know we would LIVE at each other's house and my E would be your clone. Sigh. I miss you!!!!! Wanna move to Virginia? Didn't think so. :-(
I miss my Mare.
Thoughts from tonight:
Daughter E and I (since we ARE a team) rated the contestants on a "hell no" ("for goodness sake, no way" in her case) , a "check minus (OK but weak), a check (pretty good), and a check+ (you rock and you make me want to cry) scale. We both had 3 check pluses tonight , and we had the same three guys. (I do NOT bias her, and any of you who really know E know it is impossible to influence her in any shape or form. The fact that we had had the same 3 pluses makes me think we have the final 3 figured out in a lock. Place your bets now.)
Our three winners:
1. Little young guy David Archuleta (17 y.o. ) who sounds like Rick Astley but isn't so programmed and looks MUCH more normal. I want to pinch his little cheeks.
2. Jason Castro (20), the white guy with the dreadlocks. He's cute. I want to pat his head.
3. Michael Johns (29) the Australian dude who mom thinks is really hot. I'm not going to go any further with this. Mom thinks he's hot. E thinks he sings good. Hmm.
For the other guys, I went through a complicated rating system whereby I called in only if neither of us voted "hell no" (or in E's case, that sweet little innocent "no"). One vote for a "check", two votes for two checks, and three votes for the 3 big winners in our household. Only for my daughter would I swim through a bottle of Cabernet to figure out how many times to vote for who.(It's not all that easy to figure out the "I" "D" "O" "L" numbers on a phone in a semi-dark room.
For geez sake, I can't believe we enjoy this blatently marketed show so much. I am ashamed for my family.
Yes I know it's programmed. Yes, I'm turned off by the marketing already in place by so many of the Final 24 (Have you googled their names? LOL!!!! Websites! Merchandise!) . But mostly yes, I'm having a blast sharing this with my 9 year old. Mare, if you lived near me, you know we would LIVE at each other's house and my E would be your clone. Sigh. I miss you!!!!! Wanna move to Virginia? Didn't think so. :-(
I miss my Mare.
Monday, February 18, 2008
good friends rock...
...and they know exactly when you need a Starbucks Iced Mocha Frappuccino and to have their smiling face show up simply because they actually value spending time with you. Thanks JB - you have an uncanny way of knowing exactly what I need when I need it.
I've been having trouble coming up with topics to write about recently because the current "issue" in my life is not something I think I can write about here anymore. When our children are infants, our focus becomes so necessarily narrow that mommies find their topics of conversation have become embarrassingly devoted to diapers and other poop-related activities which then later evolves into nuances of breastfeeding and baby food and cry-it-out versus attachment parenting and microscopic analysis of every step, every milestone. Pre-children, I swore I would never fall to that level but you'd better believe that I did in the end (so sorry dear friends). I think it's both inevitable and annoying. I'm on an email list of moms who have children that were born around the same time as my son, and we've shared minute details of their daily lives for the past (nearly) 12 years on a very regular basis. We've discussed every physical ailment, every event, every clever joke and every touching or embarrassing moment. It's a very close, honest and unique community with the ultimate connection - our children. It's a safe place to show our mom colors. I've used this blog to share things in my children's life, albeit not as personal as I get with my "list moms."
At some point in time, though, I have to realize that my son, my pre-teen son, is a private individual. We've crossed the fuzzy line between some perceived ownership of "my child" to respect for this "independent person." I don't feel comfortable anymore writing publicly about things that are going on in his life. It's not fair to him, and is incredibly selfish of me. However, I'm *acutely* feeling the personal loss of that outlet. I still talk IRL to close friends about issues that I need help resolving, but I don't feel like it's something I can or should record publicly anymore. (And I do realize that it's not so much of general public interest either, despite my tendency to believe the universe revolves around my children). This is a big, big loss for me. I am much better at expressing things in writing than I am orally.
This is just another nuance along the path of watching my children grow up. So while this is hard for me it's the right thing for my son. He's evolving into this person - this amazing person - and he deserves the respect granted by privacy. Even from his mother. I will, however, always retain the right to kiss the top of his head (as long as I can reach it) and pinch his nose.
I *can* share that Q will be participating in Model UN this coming weekend, much to the delight of his Uncle JC down at Florida International University, who was a career Model UN participant. Q will be an ambassador for Sweden. He was originally slated for the "peaceful use of space" committee as a representative from Somalia, but his teacher learned that, well, since Somalia really doesn't have much of a space technology program at this point (duh) since there other more critical things for them to be concerned with right now, Q would be better off as a Swede on the World Health Organization committee. I'm not sure if I can slip into the conference to watch. DH and others have looked at me in horror when I've wondered aloud about this. What? I think it would be very interesting!!!
I swear that I am moving into a better place now and will be back to posting about interesting topics soon. Wait for that pendulum to swing...it's rocketing back, I swear.
I've been having trouble coming up with topics to write about recently because the current "issue" in my life is not something I think I can write about here anymore. When our children are infants, our focus becomes so necessarily narrow that mommies find their topics of conversation have become embarrassingly devoted to diapers and other poop-related activities which then later evolves into nuances of breastfeeding and baby food and cry-it-out versus attachment parenting and microscopic analysis of every step, every milestone. Pre-children, I swore I would never fall to that level but you'd better believe that I did in the end (so sorry dear friends). I think it's both inevitable and annoying. I'm on an email list of moms who have children that were born around the same time as my son, and we've shared minute details of their daily lives for the past (nearly) 12 years on a very regular basis. We've discussed every physical ailment, every event, every clever joke and every touching or embarrassing moment. It's a very close, honest and unique community with the ultimate connection - our children. It's a safe place to show our mom colors. I've used this blog to share things in my children's life, albeit not as personal as I get with my "list moms."
At some point in time, though, I have to realize that my son, my pre-teen son, is a private individual. We've crossed the fuzzy line between some perceived ownership of "my child" to respect for this "independent person." I don't feel comfortable anymore writing publicly about things that are going on in his life. It's not fair to him, and is incredibly selfish of me. However, I'm *acutely* feeling the personal loss of that outlet. I still talk IRL to close friends about issues that I need help resolving, but I don't feel like it's something I can or should record publicly anymore. (And I do realize that it's not so much of general public interest either, despite my tendency to believe the universe revolves around my children). This is a big, big loss for me. I am much better at expressing things in writing than I am orally.
This is just another nuance along the path of watching my children grow up. So while this is hard for me it's the right thing for my son. He's evolving into this person - this amazing person - and he deserves the respect granted by privacy. Even from his mother. I will, however, always retain the right to kiss the top of his head (as long as I can reach it) and pinch his nose.
I *can* share that Q will be participating in Model UN this coming weekend, much to the delight of his Uncle JC down at Florida International University, who was a career Model UN participant. Q will be an ambassador for Sweden. He was originally slated for the "peaceful use of space" committee as a representative from Somalia, but his teacher learned that, well, since Somalia really doesn't have much of a space technology program at this point (duh) since there other more critical things for them to be concerned with right now, Q would be better off as a Swede on the World Health Organization committee. I'm not sure if I can slip into the conference to watch. DH and others have looked at me in horror when I've wondered aloud about this. What? I think it would be very interesting!!!
I swear that I am moving into a better place now and will be back to posting about interesting topics soon. Wait for that pendulum to swing...it's rocketing back, I swear.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Missing....
I am really feeling down lately. I think I'm lonely?
The time is looming that yet another incredibly important family in my life will be moving away from me, so that's bumming me out. The Jamies will be in Austria for a year, starting in early May. This time, I know they're coming back eventually, but that's not making it much easier for me. Jamie is a very stabilizing friend to me. Even though they are the busiest family I know - busy with very important things and very important people, busy with teaching classes and putting on concerts - she always makes me feel like a quiet evening or afternoon chatting with her in front of the fire is the most important thing in the world to her. I don't ever feel like I'm an afterthought or am being "fit in," which I imagine is hard to do! She is always has time for *me*, is always interested in what I have to say, and she listens. Those qualities, while sounding simple, are not that easy to find in people - not at all. So I'm really going to miss her. A lot.
I'm missing friend K up in Wisconsin an extra lot lately too. Don't know if you've been keeping up with this blog or not, K, but I'm thinking about you and all the *stuff* you're going through a lot. I wish I was up there to help out. That's another thing about having friends move away. You're really limited on what you can do for them, and I hate that. It's hard to find the give/take balance with someone when you're long distance. I need to feel like I can give to my friends, as much as I feel I take from them. It's like being cut off at the knees when you see a need and you aren't able to do anything of substance.
Speaking of long-distance friends, I'm also missing Mare, who's off hanging out with Barack Obama. I did put in a cell call to her right when I though she might be meeting him in an attempt to be there too. It didn't quite work, but almost did. We still laugh together a lot, but it's a little more fun when we're in the same room. Plus, virtual bitch-walks are not the same as real ones.
I'm indulging myself here, I know. I have very little to complain about. I'm just feeling very melancholy and am using my blog as my therapy. Good friends are hard to find and I've been hugely lucky in that department. My complaints that so many of them live further than a quick car-ride away is certainly not worth a whole blog post. But there you are.
The time is looming that yet another incredibly important family in my life will be moving away from me, so that's bumming me out. The Jamies will be in Austria for a year, starting in early May. This time, I know they're coming back eventually, but that's not making it much easier for me. Jamie is a very stabilizing friend to me. Even though they are the busiest family I know - busy with very important things and very important people, busy with teaching classes and putting on concerts - she always makes me feel like a quiet evening or afternoon chatting with her in front of the fire is the most important thing in the world to her. I don't ever feel like I'm an afterthought or am being "fit in," which I imagine is hard to do! She is always has time for *me*, is always interested in what I have to say, and she listens. Those qualities, while sounding simple, are not that easy to find in people - not at all. So I'm really going to miss her. A lot.
I'm missing friend K up in Wisconsin an extra lot lately too. Don't know if you've been keeping up with this blog or not, K, but I'm thinking about you and all the *stuff* you're going through a lot. I wish I was up there to help out. That's another thing about having friends move away. You're really limited on what you can do for them, and I hate that. It's hard to find the give/take balance with someone when you're long distance. I need to feel like I can give to my friends, as much as I feel I take from them. It's like being cut off at the knees when you see a need and you aren't able to do anything of substance.
Speaking of long-distance friends, I'm also missing Mare, who's off hanging out with Barack Obama. I did put in a cell call to her right when I though she might be meeting him in an attempt to be there too. It didn't quite work, but almost did. We still laugh together a lot, but it's a little more fun when we're in the same room. Plus, virtual bitch-walks are not the same as real ones.
I'm indulging myself here, I know. I have very little to complain about. I'm just feeling very melancholy and am using my blog as my therapy. Good friends are hard to find and I've been hugely lucky in that department. My complaints that so many of them live further than a quick car-ride away is certainly not worth a whole blog post. But there you are.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Thoughts at the Winter Solstice
Today is it. For those of us in the northern hemisphere, we see less of the sun than any other day of the year. The sun has paused in its long trek toward my southern horizon and beginning tomorrow, it will begin to creep northward again. This is my favorite solstice. While I do need the change in seasons, I feel very content here in the well of winter. I love the darkness and the cold. I love the trees that have dropped their leaves and a sky that looks overcast and gray. But in reality, I think that what I really love is the contrast that I can create in the winter. I love building a fire in our fireplace and cozying up on the couch with my family when it's miserable outside. I love knitting warm hats and mittens for my children. I love making soups and hot chocolate to warm us and I love the way that the aromas of these warm foods, the pumpkin spice and roasted turkey and potatoes, hang over my house like a blanket. I know that this part of myself that loves the winter is a result of living the affluent life that I do. I am afforded the opportunity to build up an illusion of control over the natural elements. I can keep myself and my family warm and safe in our cocoon while it's freezing outside. This must be why I love winter like I do. I love feeling the cold bite of freezing rain on my nose only because I know that in a few minutes, after I open up the door that leads to the warm golden glow of my home, I will be warm. It's an illusion, I know, this control that I think I have. But for now, it's something that makes me happy.
We went to a winter solstice party last night which was very nice. They had a labyrinth set up in the back yard, made of tiny candles that outlined the path, and had someone softly playing vibraphone bells off in the distance (this family is a fairly well-know celtic rock band so they have a very nice assortment of instruments and talent. It was beautiful.) I walked the labyrinth by myself, and other than starting out the wrong direction and finding myself needing to jump around from path the path to find the correct one to lead to the middle (I wasn't the only one - I kept running across one of my past YRUU kids that was doing the same thing) it was very peaceful. I think the idea of a labyrinth is to clear your mind by the repetition of steps. Once I found the right path, I didn't need to think about where to walk next - I simply quietly and slowly strolled around within the candles with the soft bells dancing around my ears. I was able to let go of thinking about what presents I still needed to buy or what to make for the Christmas Eve party we'll be going to, or what to pack for our trip to Texas. My friends had a yule log set in the middle with a basket of branches beside it. I attached a branch to the log, looked up at the night sky, deeply breathed in the cold air and the smell of the campfire that was burning off in the distance, and put my spirit in a good place to start the new year.
Inside the house was full of food and wine and cider and friends who were sharing details of their lives and laughing and enjoying the company. I wonder why the pagan traditions have become so misunderstood and feared? There is a huge array of faiths and spirituality under the umbrella of "paganism," some of which I relate to, and some of which I absolutely don't. In my personal experience (which I freely admit is limited), I have seen those who claim paganism as their spiritual home to be deeply in love with the natural earth and committed to taking care of this, our home, I've seen their recognition of the importance of humans caring for each other, and I've seen a curiosity about and acceptance of other religions. I also feel a kinship with humans from thousands of years ago who noticed the track of the sun and, in the pagan tradition, celebrated the winter solstice as marking the return of the sun and the goodness that it brought to their lives (i.e. food). While I don't agree with every nuance of their lives or spiritual traditions (as I would say for all friends from all religious persuasions) I feel a marked gentleness and openness from my pagan friends that is often absent in some people from more modern and mainstream religions. My wish for the new year, marked by the clock of the sun which has been turning much longer than the human species has been around, is that this gentleness and openness and true compassion for our fellow humans will one day become more common than the judgmental and sanctimonious attitudes that I too often run across in everyday life.
Happy Solstice to you all.
We went to a winter solstice party last night which was very nice. They had a labyrinth set up in the back yard, made of tiny candles that outlined the path, and had someone softly playing vibraphone bells off in the distance (this family is a fairly well-know celtic rock band so they have a very nice assortment of instruments and talent. It was beautiful.) I walked the labyrinth by myself, and other than starting out the wrong direction and finding myself needing to jump around from path the path to find the correct one to lead to the middle (I wasn't the only one - I kept running across one of my past YRUU kids that was doing the same thing) it was very peaceful. I think the idea of a labyrinth is to clear your mind by the repetition of steps. Once I found the right path, I didn't need to think about where to walk next - I simply quietly and slowly strolled around within the candles with the soft bells dancing around my ears. I was able to let go of thinking about what presents I still needed to buy or what to make for the Christmas Eve party we'll be going to, or what to pack for our trip to Texas. My friends had a yule log set in the middle with a basket of branches beside it. I attached a branch to the log, looked up at the night sky, deeply breathed in the cold air and the smell of the campfire that was burning off in the distance, and put my spirit in a good place to start the new year.Inside the house was full of food and wine and cider and friends who were sharing details of their lives and laughing and enjoying the company. I wonder why the pagan traditions have become so misunderstood and feared? There is a huge array of faiths and spirituality under the umbrella of "paganism," some of which I relate to, and some of which I absolutely don't. In my personal experience (which I freely admit is limited), I have seen those who claim paganism as their spiritual home to be deeply in love with the natural earth and committed to taking care of this, our home, I've seen their recognition of the importance of humans caring for each other, and I've seen a curiosity about and acceptance of other religions. I also feel a kinship with humans from thousands of years ago who noticed the track of the sun and, in the pagan tradition, celebrated the winter solstice as marking the return of the sun and the goodness that it brought to their lives (i.e. food). While I don't agree with every nuance of their lives or spiritual traditions (as I would say for all friends from all religious persuasions) I feel a marked gentleness and openness from my pagan friends that is often absent in some people from more modern and mainstream religions. My wish for the new year, marked by the clock of the sun which has been turning much longer than the human species has been around, is that this gentleness and openness and true compassion for our fellow humans will one day become more common than the judgmental and sanctimonious attitudes that I too often run across in everyday life.
Happy Solstice to you all.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
hodgepodge
Thank you so much, J, for asking after me.
I'm fine. I've not been up to posting this past week simply because I've been so busy. It's mostly been good things (tm) that have kept me so occupied, so please interpret this as an explanation and not as a complaint. Besides, after being reminded of the schedule that one of my heroes (Ruthie) keeps, I'm hesitant to even mention my own supposed "busy-ness."
Here's one of the good things (tm) I've been busy with:
Speaking of games, here's a fun game for you. Can you match the new tat to the face and to the body part?
(I'm so sorry J - please skip this part).
I am SO done with this portion of my mid-life crisis. It hurt WAY too much this time (I'm talking tears squeaking out of the corners of my eyes and finger imprints in the back of the chair. It was a wooden chair). I'm still having trouble making friends with this new tat because of that, in fact. I. Am. All. Done. I got the two symbols I was most interested in making a part of me for the rest of my life. All done. Besides, how can I top walking around the city with dear neighbor M (we had the two smaller tats {there's a hint for you} so we finished something like HOURS before the other two). Anyway, how can I top walking around with her through a somewhat questionable part of the city with her brandishing a package of tampons and ibuprofen and declaring that no one would DARE MESS WITH US NOW.
Work.
O.M.G.
I cried at work today. Wonderboy couldn't tell (I don't think) because we were on the phone. (Maybe he could tell because he suddenly got very quiet and nice). I am so overwhelmed and so out of my element. I did not sign up for this responsibility. I was totally happy with my peon status. Truly. But in the spirit of continuing the work we do, I had no choice but to step up to take the wheel while Wonderboy is away playing with the political types at HQ. Did you know it is impossible to do a full time job in a 24 hour week? It really is. It's official. I am not Superwoman. And the imposter police are welcome to come bludgeon my poor pathetic attempt at being a scientist.
My PTA work is going well but only because I was smart (yay me) about getting the most awesome people ever to work on the committees. So despite the fact that I have no time and I am running around blubbering over feeling inadequate at work, our PTA stuff is busy being fabulous. Is it bad for me to want to take partial credit for that when I'm really not doing very much of the work? Tough. I'm doing it anyway.
Other trivia in the spirit of catch-up?
OMG, my man Mikey Lowell will be back with the Red Sox this year.
(DH is happy too. And J sent me a WOOHOO message today. I feel like I'm a little part of the Red Sox Nation. Sniff.). We're going to try to go to Boston during the next season to attend a game with J and another family we know up there. I can't wait!!! :-) :-) :-) Happy, happy, joy, joy...
My darling sister L is having a fantabulous time in NYC!!!! I got a call from her today as she was wandering around lost in Central Park after two hours of snow falling. She was as happy as I've ever heard her and was drunk on the taste of independence. I'm thinking I may need to drive up to NYC to pry her back to her home. Maybe she'll join me as an east-coaster one of these days??? L, I couldn't be happier for you.
That's most of my catch up. Oh, I lurved hearing dear neighbor M play violin at the St. Caecilia's day music presentation at UU that my dear friend Jamie directed. Got a little tear in my eye over that, too - the pure, pure love of music that Jamie has. They played a piece that Haydn wrote while in Eisenstadt, Austria, which (along with Jamie's eloquent words beforehand) brought back lovely memories of the sunflowers and wine and happiness of Austria. Have I mentioned that I want to go back? Next winter when Jamie and co. have moved back there for a year? So we can try skiing in the Alps? Hm....going straight from east coast slush to the Alps may be a bit of a leap. We'll see.
Lots of good things on the horizon. I'm ignoring CNN and the news and horrors in Bangladesh and worries of global warming and war and stuff that gives me nightmares. For now, I'm all friends and sisters and Mikey Lowell and Austria and new sunrooms. There's a glimpse of my "busy-ness." All good things (tm).
I'm fine. I've not been up to posting this past week simply because I've been so busy. It's mostly been good things (tm) that have kept me so occupied, so please interpret this as an explanation and not as a complaint. Besides, after being reminded of the schedule that one of my heroes (Ruthie) keeps, I'm hesitant to even mention my own supposed "busy-ness."
Here's one of the good things (tm) I've been busy with:
Fun stuff! Present neighbors and past neighbors with a healthy
(unhealthy?) dose of food and drink and games over a
long, long weekend.
(unhealthy?) dose of food and drink and games over a
long, long weekend.
Speaking of games, here's a fun game for you. Can you match the new tat to the face and to the body part?
(I'm so sorry J - please skip this part).
I am SO done with this portion of my mid-life crisis. It hurt WAY too much this time (I'm talking tears squeaking out of the corners of my eyes and finger imprints in the back of the chair. It was a wooden chair). I'm still having trouble making friends with this new tat because of that, in fact. I. Am. All. Done. I got the two symbols I was most interested in making a part of me for the rest of my life. All done. Besides, how can I top walking around the city with dear neighbor M (we had the two smaller tats {there's a hint for you} so we finished something like HOURS before the other two). Anyway, how can I top walking around with her through a somewhat questionable part of the city with her brandishing a package of tampons and ibuprofen and declaring that no one would DARE MESS WITH US NOW.
Work.
O.M.G.
I cried at work today. Wonderboy couldn't tell (I don't think) because we were on the phone. (Maybe he could tell because he suddenly got very quiet and nice). I am so overwhelmed and so out of my element. I did not sign up for this responsibility. I was totally happy with my peon status. Truly. But in the spirit of continuing the work we do, I had no choice but to step up to take the wheel while Wonderboy is away playing with the political types at HQ. Did you know it is impossible to do a full time job in a 24 hour week? It really is. It's official. I am not Superwoman. And the imposter police are welcome to come bludgeon my poor pathetic attempt at being a scientist.
My PTA work is going well but only because I was smart (yay me) about getting the most awesome people ever to work on the committees. So despite the fact that I have no time and I am running around blubbering over feeling inadequate at work, our PTA stuff is busy being fabulous. Is it bad for me to want to take partial credit for that when I'm really not doing very much of the work? Tough. I'm doing it anyway.
Other trivia in the spirit of catch-up?
OMG, my man Mikey Lowell will be back with the Red Sox this year.
(DH is happy too. And J sent me a WOOHOO message today. I feel like I'm a little part of the Red Sox Nation. Sniff.). We're going to try to go to Boston during the next season to attend a game with J and another family we know up there. I can't wait!!! :-) :-) :-) Happy, happy, joy, joy...
My darling sister L is having a fantabulous time in NYC!!!! I got a call from her today as she was wandering around lost in Central Park after two hours of snow falling. She was as happy as I've ever heard her and was drunk on the taste of independence. I'm thinking I may need to drive up to NYC to pry her back to her home. Maybe she'll join me as an east-coaster one of these days??? L, I couldn't be happier for you.
That's most of my catch up. Oh, I lurved hearing dear neighbor M play violin at the St. Caecilia's day music presentation at UU that my dear friend Jamie directed. Got a little tear in my eye over that, too - the pure, pure love of music that Jamie has. They played a piece that Haydn wrote while in Eisenstadt, Austria, which (along with Jamie's eloquent words beforehand) brought back lovely memories of the sunflowers and wine and happiness of Austria. Have I mentioned that I want to go back? Next winter when Jamie and co. have moved back there for a year? So we can try skiing in the Alps? Hm....going straight from east coast slush to the Alps may be a bit of a leap. We'll see.
Lots of good things on the horizon. I'm ignoring CNN and the news and horrors in Bangladesh and worries of global warming and war and stuff that gives me nightmares. For now, I'm all friends and sisters and Mikey Lowell and Austria and new sunrooms. There's a glimpse of my "busy-ness." All good things (tm).
Monday, November 05, 2007
laughter
Hungh. Yee. haw.
I made it through another PTA meeting tonight without any major mishaps. That's a good thing, in case anyone is wondering. Things are actually going very well so far with the pee-tee-aye this year - I'm just not doing a whole lot other than cheerleading and sending emails. I guess that's what I'm supposed to be doing. It just feels very weird to not be more in the trenches, you know? That's where the real work gets done. I hope people don't get bored. (Yep, I'm a freakin' worry wart). S.T.O.P.
I've been in a weird place lately - like a giant page is turning. Maybe it's just the new "autumn" hair color my hair stylist gave me last week. Or the fact that my tiny baby has been to a school dance and has acne and the beginnings of facial hair. Or that I'm mostly on my own at work now, having to argue with the Harvard folks and I'm really trying hard not to be intimidated even while I KNOW that I'm right. (Wonderboy confirmed this). I'm right.
So anyway, I promised dear neighbor M that I would share this story since it smacks of "Seems like a movie" (Mare knows of what I mean) and since I nearly peed in my pants when it happened. It was Friday last week, which means it was my day off, which means I actually walked down the street to the bus stop to meet my tiny little darling daughter E as she got off the bus because you know she is so delicate and fragile that she needs her mommy there - I just don't know how she manages the rest of the week when she is forced to walk home through bitter cold and driving rain on her lonesome. A POX POX POX on me! Her terrible momma.
Anyway.
This particular day I was the good momma and I met her up at the bus stop. As we were walking home, my favorite next-door-neighbor M's (her competition is the otherside neighbor who micromanages the care of my cat) husband came whipping around the corner whilst riding his son's scooter which was actually piloted by his crazy-ass dog on the end of a leash. E and I watched warily as cowboy neighbor D yeehawed his way down the street and down the (small) hill toward our houses. I think I may have called out in my best mommy voice that "You've forgotten your helmet!" or "Are you insane?" or something like that. In any case, we continued our stroll down the street up and over the small hill, at which some point cowboy neighbor D came into focus again. His crazy dog was nowhere in sight but he was very carefully trying to put his mailbox back into the upright position.
"D?" I called. "Is it possible that you just ran into your mailbox?"
D quickly whipped into "leaning on mailbox" position as he positioned the broken 4x4 back into the ground.
"hmm?" Bright smile because nothing (of course) has happened.
"D? Did Daisy just smash you into your mailbox, upending it and rendering it completely useless? How is Dear neighbor M supposed to get her christmas catalogues now???!!!"
Cowboy D smiled and continued to lean on the supposedly sturdy mail box, even as it wobbled precariously.
At which point I nearly peed in my pants from collapsing into laughter.
Maybe you had to be there to get the whole scene and see D's face as he leaned into the post to pretend nothing had happened.
But I know it just made my week. Because you have to laugh.
My giant page is turning and I'm hanging on to the edge of it for dear life, and it's only this laughing that reminds me that it's ok that the pages keep turning. Children are born and grow up and you argue with ivy league intellectuals and worry about what to present at the meeting, but ultimately, everyone pauses and remembers to breathe when they laugh.
Neighbor D? I think you are one of the most intelligent people I've met, and I don't mean this as anything other than a celebration of the fact that if we pay attention, we all get the chance to pee in our pants from laughing so hard. It's a good thing. And you're kind and great and all that to let me laugh at you and not hold it against me. I promise I'll make it all up to you someday.
But I've just got to say that MY mailbox is still functional. So there.
I made it through another PTA meeting tonight without any major mishaps. That's a good thing, in case anyone is wondering. Things are actually going very well so far with the pee-tee-aye this year - I'm just not doing a whole lot other than cheerleading and sending emails. I guess that's what I'm supposed to be doing. It just feels very weird to not be more in the trenches, you know? That's where the real work gets done. I hope people don't get bored. (Yep, I'm a freakin' worry wart). S.T.O.P.
I've been in a weird place lately - like a giant page is turning. Maybe it's just the new "autumn" hair color my hair stylist gave me last week. Or the fact that my tiny baby has been to a school dance and has acne and the beginnings of facial hair. Or that I'm mostly on my own at work now, having to argue with the Harvard folks and I'm really trying hard not to be intimidated even while I KNOW that I'm right. (Wonderboy confirmed this). I'm right.
So anyway, I promised dear neighbor M that I would share this story since it smacks of "Seems like a movie" (Mare knows of what I mean) and since I nearly peed in my pants when it happened. It was Friday last week, which means it was my day off, which means I actually walked down the street to the bus stop to meet my tiny little darling daughter E as she got off the bus because you know she is so delicate and fragile that she needs her mommy there - I just don't know how she manages the rest of the week when she is forced to walk home through bitter cold and driving rain on her lonesome. A POX POX POX on me! Her terrible momma.
Anyway.
This particular day I was the good momma and I met her up at the bus stop. As we were walking home, my favorite next-door-neighbor M's (her competition is the otherside neighbor who micromanages the care of my cat) husband came whipping around the corner whilst riding his son's scooter which was actually piloted by his crazy-ass dog on the end of a leash. E and I watched warily as cowboy neighbor D yeehawed his way down the street and down the (small) hill toward our houses. I think I may have called out in my best mommy voice that "You've forgotten your helmet!" or "Are you insane?" or something like that. In any case, we continued our stroll down the street up and over the small hill, at which some point cowboy neighbor D came into focus again. His crazy dog was nowhere in sight but he was very carefully trying to put his mailbox back into the upright position.
"D?" I called. "Is it possible that you just ran into your mailbox?"
D quickly whipped into "leaning on mailbox" position as he positioned the broken 4x4 back into the ground.
"hmm?" Bright smile because nothing (of course) has happened.
"D? Did Daisy just smash you into your mailbox, upending it and rendering it completely useless? How is Dear neighbor M supposed to get her christmas catalogues now???!!!"
Cowboy D smiled and continued to lean on the supposedly sturdy mail box, even as it wobbled precariously.
At which point I nearly peed in my pants from collapsing into laughter.
Maybe you had to be there to get the whole scene and see D's face as he leaned into the post to pretend nothing had happened.
But I know it just made my week. Because you have to laugh.
My giant page is turning and I'm hanging on to the edge of it for dear life, and it's only this laughing that reminds me that it's ok that the pages keep turning. Children are born and grow up and you argue with ivy league intellectuals and worry about what to present at the meeting, but ultimately, everyone pauses and remembers to breathe when they laugh.
Neighbor D? I think you are one of the most intelligent people I've met, and I don't mean this as anything other than a celebration of the fact that if we pay attention, we all get the chance to pee in our pants from laughing so hard. It's a good thing. And you're kind and great and all that to let me laugh at you and not hold it against me. I promise I'll make it all up to you someday.
But I've just got to say that MY mailbox is still functional. So there.
Friday, August 24, 2007
images from madison
I'm thinking E fit right into the whole Madison scene. She found her comfort zone, and everyone else was as "out there" as she was. I loved the blue tu-tu and green golf hat combination, personally.
A street act we came across on State Street. We were all impressed. Especially when he did a little flip move to right himself.
While drinking a beer at the Union with B, I looked over to see my daughter had decided to meditate. She sat like that for a good 15 minutes. She told me she was "clearing her mind."
Sunday, July 01, 2007
keeping busy
Well, my friends are gone. E keeps drawing pictures of broken hearts and crying little girls and writing poems about lost friends. Of course she really is very very upset, but her love the Miss Drama Queen side of her personality is helping her enjoy making a production out of it. Oh well. If that's how she needs to deal with it then so be it. Besides, I like her poems. They're very lyrical and touching, actually. I think she may be very talented with words.
Some of the changes that this move will cause became very evident for me last night. We went to our friends' house for an impromptu cookout. Normally, Lili would have been there too and the two girls would have played all night. As it is now, E spent her time annoying Q and they fought the entire night, until I sent Q home by himself (just down the road). Gah. Despite that, it was fun and I hugged friend DF and told him "See? We still get to have fun even though we were abandoned!" (Miss Drama Queen E comes by it naturally). DF and his wife were hosting a couple from Austria through SERVAS last night so we got to chat with them for a while. They were very interesting and fun, and the SERVAS concept is very fascinating to me. I don't know if I'm brave enough to join, but what a neat thing.
I went to the local Farmer's Market yesterday morning for a quick (and small) stock-up on fresh veggies, and then I picked up my family and we went to pick 11 pounds of blueberries at a local farm. I'm feeling rather full from eating fresh beans, potatos, slices of fresh cucumbers and tomatoes with salt and pepper, and blueberry pie. J wrote about blueberry pies earlier this week so I went online and found a good, simple recipe. I took it to the cookout last night so it's long gone, but I think I'll make another one today for the dinner party I'm throwing for my PTA officers. Goodness knows I have enough blueberries to make about 40 of them.
Food really is so much tastier fresh. Lynne wrote about this very subject in her blog a few weeks ago too. Something about summer makes me start to crave fresh produce. The warming sun and the smell of the earth must bring out some primal farmer hidden in me. The act of picking the blueberries was awesome, too. I hadn't been there before when they were this abundant. You could stand in one place and reach out your hand to bunches of gorgeous, fat, ripe blueberries in at least a dozen directions. The earth was just throwing food into my hands.
Speaking of food, I'm having fun planning for my dinner party tonight. We'll start with olive tapenade and crackers, and maybe some strawberries. I've decided on Giuseppe's lentil soup recipe, and spinach/ricotta calzones from the Moosewood Cookbook. One friend will bring a caesar salad, one will bring the wine, and I'll finish it off with another blueberry pie (with real whipped cream of course). Yum. My plan was to get serious again about losing weight once the big Month-Long-sendoff party (tm) was over, but it doesn't seem to be happening. Oh well. Tomorrow. Really.
Some of the changes that this move will cause became very evident for me last night. We went to our friends' house for an impromptu cookout. Normally, Lili would have been there too and the two girls would have played all night. As it is now, E spent her time annoying Q and they fought the entire night, until I sent Q home by himself (just down the road). Gah. Despite that, it was fun and I hugged friend DF and told him "See? We still get to have fun even though we were abandoned!" (Miss Drama Queen E comes by it naturally). DF and his wife were hosting a couple from Austria through SERVAS last night so we got to chat with them for a while. They were very interesting and fun, and the SERVAS concept is very fascinating to me. I don't know if I'm brave enough to join, but what a neat thing.
I went to the local Farmer's Market yesterday morning for a quick (and small) stock-up on fresh veggies, and then I picked up my family and we went to pick 11 pounds of blueberries at a local farm. I'm feeling rather full from eating fresh beans, potatos, slices of fresh cucumbers and tomatoes with salt and pepper, and blueberry pie. J wrote about blueberry pies earlier this week so I went online and found a good, simple recipe. I took it to the cookout last night so it's long gone, but I think I'll make another one today for the dinner party I'm throwing for my PTA officers. Goodness knows I have enough blueberries to make about 40 of them.
Food really is so much tastier fresh. Lynne wrote about this very subject in her blog a few weeks ago too. Something about summer makes me start to crave fresh produce. The warming sun and the smell of the earth must bring out some primal farmer hidden in me. The act of picking the blueberries was awesome, too. I hadn't been there before when they were this abundant. You could stand in one place and reach out your hand to bunches of gorgeous, fat, ripe blueberries in at least a dozen directions. The earth was just throwing food into my hands.
Speaking of food, I'm having fun planning for my dinner party tonight. We'll start with olive tapenade and crackers, and maybe some strawberries. I've decided on Giuseppe's lentil soup recipe, and spinach/ricotta calzones from the Moosewood Cookbook. One friend will bring a caesar salad, one will bring the wine, and I'll finish it off with another blueberry pie (with real whipped cream of course). Yum. My plan was to get serious again about losing weight once the big Month-Long-sendoff party (tm) was over, but it doesn't seem to be happening. Oh well. Tomorrow. Really.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
the end of an era
I've worked at my place of employment for 19 years now. Yes, that many years (as an aside, how in the h*ll did that happen?). That's nineteen years, in case you need another reminder. Here's a picture of me at that place in which I spend such a big part of my life (taken today by gaochen simply because he noticed I had my camera at work).
I actually love this place. This is where I get to exercise my scientific creativity, learn something new every day, and be around some of the smartest people on the planet. I have the greatest job ever, in my oh so humble opinion.
For 17 of those years, one of those smartest people on the planet that I had the privilege to eat lunch with and talk with daily was my friend B. I was just a pup way back when B first came to work at **** with me. Mutual friend DF (who is still a dear friend now) and I helped B assimilate into life here in the southeast US way back when. From the beginning, B and I have never had an "only" work relationship - we hung out and were friends from the start. We would spend weekdays discussing atmospheric chemistry and dynamics and air quality and campaign issues and spend evenings and weekends going through pregnancies, adoptions, raising infants, toddlers, elementary-aged children, and all the assorted activities that come with being friends and extended family. Thanksgivings. Halloweens. Christmases. Birthdays. Children Starting school. Chemistry. Mechanisms. Publications.
On weekdays, we'd be at our computers and on weekends/evenings we'd be with our families - very often together. Our offices were always just a few doors away,and our houses were within a 1.5 minute walk. I don't know that there's anyone who is as assimilated into all aspects of my life as B is.
DH and I decided long ago that B and his wife K were the perfect choice to have in our wills as the family to care for the most precious things on this earth to us in the event of our deaths - our children. That should tell you how I feel about B personally. And at work, B is a superstar. He's one of the "names" in my field. He's a go-getter. He gets things done. He formed a formidable modeling team. He is the cream that rose to the top. I enjoy the comfort of having a close friend at work. I recognize the shuffle of his sandals as he walks down the hall. I like that I know what his reaction will be to almost any event. I know what music he likes and I know what he wants for his kids. I take enormous comfort in knowing that he is not only in my corner scientifically, but is my lifelong friend. We're not simply co-workers and we're not "just" family. We're a lot like siblings. We bicker and have our "moments," but I am incredibly protective of him and would do just about anything to help him out if he needed it.
Today was his last day at work with me. He's with NOAA now, and within a few days, he and his family will be living in Wisconsin.
There will be no more pulling the wagon down to the cul-de-sac full of pumpkins for our pumpkin-carving parties at Halloween or no more extended family get-togethers for holidays or impromptu spaghetti dinners on do-nothing days (well, not with B&K at least!! They'll still happen... You all know I don't believe in god but nevertheless god sent my family new neighbors that we adore at just the perfect time). No more traipsing down to B&K's house with a bottle wine for "Survivor" parties (in my pajamas noless, a few times). No more talks with B as we commute to work together. No more walks in the park as I angst about my career and he counsels me simultaneously as we marvel over the miracles that are our children. I'm going to miss him enormously.
(I haven't even written about B's wife K and the loss that I will feel there - that's just too hard to write about! or the loss that my children will feel. Lordy. Life sucks at the same time that it glows.)
As Dr. Suess said: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
I actually love this place. This is where I get to exercise my scientific creativity, learn something new every day, and be around some of the smartest people on the planet. I have the greatest job ever, in my oh so humble opinion.
For 17 of those years, one of those smartest people on the planet that I had the privilege to eat lunch with and talk with daily was my friend B. I was just a pup way back when B first came to work at **** with me. Mutual friend DF (who is still a dear friend now) and I helped B assimilate into life here in the southeast US way back when. From the beginning, B and I have never had an "only" work relationship - we hung out and were friends from the start. We would spend weekdays discussing atmospheric chemistry and dynamics and air quality and campaign issues and spend evenings and weekends going through pregnancies, adoptions, raising infants, toddlers, elementary-aged children, and all the assorted activities that come with being friends and extended family. Thanksgivings. Halloweens. Christmases. Birthdays. Children Starting school. Chemistry. Mechanisms. Publications.
On weekdays, we'd be at our computers and on weekends/evenings we'd be with our families - very often together. Our offices were always just a few doors away,and our houses were within a 1.5 minute walk. I don't know that there's anyone who is as assimilated into all aspects of my life as B is.
DH and I decided long ago that B and his wife K were the perfect choice to have in our wills as the family to care for the most precious things on this earth to us in the event of our deaths - our children. That should tell you how I feel about B personally. And at work, B is a superstar. He's one of the "names" in my field. He's a go-getter. He gets things done. He formed a formidable modeling team. He is the cream that rose to the top. I enjoy the comfort of having a close friend at work. I recognize the shuffle of his sandals as he walks down the hall. I like that I know what his reaction will be to almost any event. I know what music he likes and I know what he wants for his kids. I take enormous comfort in knowing that he is not only in my corner scientifically, but is my lifelong friend. We're not simply co-workers and we're not "just" family. We're a lot like siblings. We bicker and have our "moments," but I am incredibly protective of him and would do just about anything to help him out if he needed it.
Today was his last day at work with me. He's with NOAA now, and within a few days, he and his family will be living in Wisconsin.
There will be no more pulling the wagon down to the cul-de-sac full of pumpkins for our pumpkin-carving parties at Halloween or no more extended family get-togethers for holidays or impromptu spaghetti dinners on do-nothing days (well, not with B&K at least!! They'll still happen... You all know I don't believe in god but nevertheless god sent my family new neighbors that we adore at just the perfect time). No more traipsing down to B&K's house with a bottle wine for "Survivor" parties (in my pajamas noless, a few times). No more talks with B as we commute to work together. No more walks in the park as I angst about my career and he counsels me simultaneously as we marvel over the miracles that are our children. I'm going to miss him enormously.
(I haven't even written about B's wife K and the loss that I will feel there - that's just too hard to write about! or the loss that my children will feel. Lordy. Life sucks at the same time that it glows.)
As Dr. Suess said: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
what day is it now?
Still here...
Life is crazy, but more so for my neighbors than for me. We're still in the midst of the Grand Month-long Send-off (tm) to my friends B&K. I know I am totally exhausted so I can't imagine how B&K feel, or neighbors M and family who are not only hosting B&K (and family and dogs) for a week before they leave, but are also hosting my family and assorted others who are taking full advantage of their kind natures and can't seem to leave them all alone.
I started the coffee going this morning, checked on daughter E's nose (which got whacked with a falling glass lid yesterday at summer camp...don't know if it's fractured or not), and went out to get the newspaper. On the front page there was a summary of some of the Supreme Court rulings from yesterday. I'm confused.
Judge Roberts wrote "We give the benefit of the doubt to speech, not censorship" in overruling the FEC's ban on pre-election ads (a right to life group in this case). Free speech rights take precedence over government restrictions on political advertising.
Then the next ruling I read about restricts student speech rights when the message seems to advocate illegal drug use. (By the way, Roberts ruled to restrict the kid's rights in this case).
Eh.
I'm not advocating for drug use, and I certainly don't advocate for advertising illegal drugs to my kids. BUT. What gives? Free speech rocks and rules but only in certain cases?
I admit, I haven't read the cases thoroughly - only skimmed the headlines. But. I'm just sayin. It seems awfully hypocritical on the surface. If someone can explain it to me, I'd be appreciative.
Life is crazy, but more so for my neighbors than for me. We're still in the midst of the Grand Month-long Send-off (tm) to my friends B&K. I know I am totally exhausted so I can't imagine how B&K feel, or neighbors M and family who are not only hosting B&K (and family and dogs) for a week before they leave, but are also hosting my family and assorted others who are taking full advantage of their kind natures and can't seem to leave them all alone.
I started the coffee going this morning, checked on daughter E's nose (which got whacked with a falling glass lid yesterday at summer camp...don't know if it's fractured or not), and went out to get the newspaper. On the front page there was a summary of some of the Supreme Court rulings from yesterday. I'm confused.
Judge Roberts wrote "We give the benefit of the doubt to speech, not censorship" in overruling the FEC's ban on pre-election ads (a right to life group in this case). Free speech rights take precedence over government restrictions on political advertising.
Then the next ruling I read about restricts student speech rights when the message seems to advocate illegal drug use. (By the way, Roberts ruled to restrict the kid's rights in this case).
Eh.
I'm not advocating for drug use, and I certainly don't advocate for advertising illegal drugs to my kids. BUT. What gives? Free speech rocks and rules but only in certain cases?
I admit, I haven't read the cases thoroughly - only skimmed the headlines. But. I'm just sayin. It seems awfully hypocritical on the surface. If someone can explain it to me, I'd be appreciative.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
The saga of the rodents, Part deux
Since it was a teacher workday yesterday, the kids didn't have school. Several of us neighborhood moms wanted to do something fun with the kids, and as it was approximately 100 degrees outside, we quickly nixed any suggestions of outdoor activities. We ended up taking several vanloads of children to see Pirates 3 at the local movie theater. The movie itself was ok (very LONG) and we are now all working on convincing our husbands to wear bandannas and earrings. Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp are hot. Anyway, I digress. The kids certainly enjoyed being together in the theater, whether they loved the movie or not. They spread out and took up the whole back row of seats and munched out on popcorn. Afterwards, we weren't ready for the party to end so we bought the makings for Sundaes and all came over to my house for ice cream and wine. (I'll let you sort out who got which treat). E was away at a birthday party during all these festivities.
So in the midst of eating ice cream and drinking wine and sharing spousal secrets with one another (our husbands just looove it when we do that) one of the little girls came in my front door with her hamster in a little carry-cage. I was oohing and awing over it and suggested "Here, Z...let me show you E's hamster." So I took her to the uber-awesome hamster's cage in E's room to show her Ruby the hamster. I poked around a little, because Ruby likes to bury herself under the bedding during the day. "Um...she's not up in her sleeping area. Hmm. She's not in the little log. Huh. She's...." And then I saw the opening in the top of the cage. Without the little plastic cover insert. And Ruby was not in the cage.
Being the dramatic sort I am, I went to interrupt the grown ups' party to make the grand announcement that there was an escapee in the house and could someone please let Sammy the Great Hunter outside and someone put Roxy the Excitable into her crate?
Then I looked over and saw friend M's face.
M reads my blog. She'd read the blog entry from yesterday (which until that moment, I'd forgotten about). And for a few seconds as we stared at each other in horror, I realized I had just launched myself full into the running for the Worst.Mom.Ever. And thus commenced the tasks of pulling out drawers, peeking under beds, inside clothes hampers and under furniture. (The party moved next door. Nothing like an errant rodent to take the sparkle out of a party.) I could not bring myself to go look in the vacuum bag. DH took on the task of filling E in on what happened when she got home. (Didn't bring up the whole vacuum incident though).
To spoil the anticipation, I'll let you in on the ending early. Ruby was found - alive - and not in the vacuum bag. DH heard her rummaging around in the kitchen about 2 am. Thank HEAVENS. With a broomstick and some juggling maneuvers, he had her back in the completely closed up uber-awesome cage by the time we all woke up. I cannot tell you how happy I am about the outcome, though there's a little part of myself that thinks that it certainly would have made for some entertaining blogging. Or not. It would have been hard to blog from the van as I am certain that as the Worst.Mom.Ever, I would have been banned there for at least a few months.
So in the midst of eating ice cream and drinking wine and sharing spousal secrets with one another (our husbands just looove it when we do that) one of the little girls came in my front door with her hamster in a little carry-cage. I was oohing and awing over it and suggested "Here, Z...let me show you E's hamster." So I took her to the uber-awesome hamster's cage in E's room to show her Ruby the hamster. I poked around a little, because Ruby likes to bury herself under the bedding during the day. "Um...she's not up in her sleeping area. Hmm. She's not in the little log. Huh. She's...." And then I saw the opening in the top of the cage. Without the little plastic cover insert. And Ruby was not in the cage.
Being the dramatic sort I am, I went to interrupt the grown ups' party to make the grand announcement that there was an escapee in the house and could someone please let Sammy the Great Hunter outside and someone put Roxy the Excitable into her crate?
Then I looked over and saw friend M's face.
M reads my blog. She'd read the blog entry from yesterday (which until that moment, I'd forgotten about). And for a few seconds as we stared at each other in horror, I realized I had just launched myself full into the running for the Worst.Mom.Ever. And thus commenced the tasks of pulling out drawers, peeking under beds, inside clothes hampers and under furniture. (The party moved next door. Nothing like an errant rodent to take the sparkle out of a party.) I could not bring myself to go look in the vacuum bag. DH took on the task of filling E in on what happened when she got home. (Didn't bring up the whole vacuum incident though).
To spoil the anticipation, I'll let you in on the ending early. Ruby was found - alive - and not in the vacuum bag. DH heard her rummaging around in the kitchen about 2 am. Thank HEAVENS. With a broomstick and some juggling maneuvers, he had her back in the completely closed up uber-awesome cage by the time we all woke up. I cannot tell you how happy I am about the outcome, though there's a little part of myself that thinks that it certainly would have made for some entertaining blogging. Or not. It would have been hard to blog from the van as I am certain that as the Worst.Mom.Ever, I would have been banned there for at least a few months.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
connections
Ach.
I know I've been bad about keeping up with this blog. I've actually written a couple of posts that I've ended up not posting after all this last week, despite the fact that they were destined to win multiple literary awards and would make the world fall in love with me. They were well-meaning posts, but quite honestly were written mostly under the influence of either too much wine or too much emotion so my newfound maturity (stop laughing - there is always some form of newfound maturity in my life) would not let me post them. For my wine-stupored or emotion-stupored self they were absolutely amazing though, and covered topics such as the politics of help (spurred on by Liz from As the Tumor Turns) and altruism and whether there really is such a thing (the latter even included Nietszche and all kinds of deep thinking pretensions).
Ultimately, although they were amazing in my little mind, they weren't going to change the world, so rest assured that all is as it would have been anyway. In case you were worried.
My mom's sister Sandra Holloway, died from esophageal cancer a week ago Friday. I've been remembering the times I spent at her house with my dear cousin Kim when I was growing up. I remember our attempts at creating new recipes in her kitchen - she pretty much gave us free reign. And lordy did we get creative. As a homemaker now, and now better understanding her need to hold onto control of her home and to be an exquisite hostess, the fact that she let her daughter and me run free in her kitchen for a weekend means very, very much to me. I remember her beautiful home and the nights with Kim reading "The Wizard of Oz" and learning that you can fill the bathtub to near overflowing (I'd not been brave enough to do that myself until my cousin showed me you could do it and still survive) and the trampoline in the backyard, and something about neighbors that would sunbathe nude outside (this is all hazy memory to me and I don't know what is real and what is the wishful thinking of two little girls). I remember her taking us to see "The Sound of Music" in the theater and I was bowled over that they actually had an intermission in the theater (THE MOVIE THEATER) with red curtains. I remember when I was older, thinking how much she reminded me of my mom and of her other sisters, and I thought the bond the four sisters shared was so very special. Aunt Sandra, you were elegant until the last breath you took.
I spent today thinking about friend K as they put a new contract on a house up in Wisconsin (WINCONSIN! - That is such a long way from here). I have tried to hide my tears from my other friends but finally decided that was impossible (dear friend M saw me in the front yard with K's dog Hobie and with red eyes from a few hours of tears). All this is because of love. Love of children, love of community, love of each other.
I've been snowed under by the intermingling of love and loss this week.
And then I was driving to pick up my son from a birthday party with his very good friends today and listenening to my favorite song from Five for Fighting, and looking at the clouds and the wildflowers on the side of the road made me cry just because they were. We're all connected whether we believe that a god connects us or that a universe connects us. Doesn't matter.
So that's where I am. Cherishing every friendship that is out there - every connection from human to human or lifeform to lifeform (I'm dogsitting multiple dogs this weekend so feel the need to include those sweet lifeforms in my blubberings.) The touch of another human, or the laugh or the encouraging smile - that is what keeps me going.
I know I've been bad about keeping up with this blog. I've actually written a couple of posts that I've ended up not posting after all this last week, despite the fact that they were destined to win multiple literary awards and would make the world fall in love with me. They were well-meaning posts, but quite honestly were written mostly under the influence of either too much wine or too much emotion so my newfound maturity (stop laughing - there is always some form of newfound maturity in my life) would not let me post them. For my wine-stupored or emotion-stupored self they were absolutely amazing though, and covered topics such as the politics of help (spurred on by Liz from As the Tumor Turns) and altruism and whether there really is such a thing (the latter even included Nietszche and all kinds of deep thinking pretensions).
Ultimately, although they were amazing in my little mind, they weren't going to change the world, so rest assured that all is as it would have been anyway. In case you were worried.
My mom's sister Sandra Holloway, died from esophageal cancer a week ago Friday. I've been remembering the times I spent at her house with my dear cousin Kim when I was growing up. I remember our attempts at creating new recipes in her kitchen - she pretty much gave us free reign. And lordy did we get creative. As a homemaker now, and now better understanding her need to hold onto control of her home and to be an exquisite hostess, the fact that she let her daughter and me run free in her kitchen for a weekend means very, very much to me. I remember her beautiful home and the nights with Kim reading "The Wizard of Oz" and learning that you can fill the bathtub to near overflowing (I'd not been brave enough to do that myself until my cousin showed me you could do it and still survive) and the trampoline in the backyard, and something about neighbors that would sunbathe nude outside (this is all hazy memory to me and I don't know what is real and what is the wishful thinking of two little girls). I remember her taking us to see "The Sound of Music" in the theater and I was bowled over that they actually had an intermission in the theater (THE MOVIE THEATER) with red curtains. I remember when I was older, thinking how much she reminded me of my mom and of her other sisters, and I thought the bond the four sisters shared was so very special. Aunt Sandra, you were elegant until the last breath you took.
I spent today thinking about friend K as they put a new contract on a house up in Wisconsin (WINCONSIN! - That is such a long way from here). I have tried to hide my tears from my other friends but finally decided that was impossible (dear friend M saw me in the front yard with K's dog Hobie and with red eyes from a few hours of tears). All this is because of love. Love of children, love of community, love of each other.
I've been snowed under by the intermingling of love and loss this week.
And then I was driving to pick up my son from a birthday party with his very good friends today and listenening to my favorite song from Five for Fighting, and looking at the clouds and the wildflowers on the side of the road made me cry just because they were. We're all connected whether we believe that a god connects us or that a universe connects us. Doesn't matter.
So that's where I am. Cherishing every friendship that is out there - every connection from human to human or lifeform to lifeform (I'm dogsitting multiple dogs this weekend so feel the need to include those sweet lifeforms in my blubberings.) The touch of another human, or the laugh or the encouraging smile - that is what keeps me going.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
reconnection
It is hard, very hard, to have a husband that travels so much. I thought it would be an inconvenience. I was wrong. It is way more than an inconvenience. I had no idea that there would be a need to actively work so hard at staying connected to feel a part of each others life. We haven't been doing that, but realize now that we must. Lordy.
Nice day today. Baseball was cancelled due to overnight rain. The kids played over at a friends' house so DH and I could eat lunch together. I spied a bottle of wine at the restaurant that I NEEDED to buy two of to take to friends K and M. (It was You Bet Shiraz). By the way, it was actually very decent. And while it was 14.95 to drink a bottle with dinner in the restaurant, I could take home a bottle for 6.00. Go figure.
DH and I walked in the colonial area for a while to try to reconnect. Back home, I took the wine to K&B, where we finished it up on their deck then took a walk to the park. I actually made a semi-nice dinner (which the kids didn't like, but noodles with butter and cheese sufficed). Afterwards, we played a game together then DH and I watched the Bourne Identity (I fell asleep at the end).
That is the kind of day we've been missing. We MUST make some sacrifices in other parts of our lives so we can have more of those. They are much more important than you'd think.
Here's a photo of the three amigos and their tattoos (taken at yet another wild neighborhood party on Friday night)
Nice day today. Baseball was cancelled due to overnight rain. The kids played over at a friends' house so DH and I could eat lunch together. I spied a bottle of wine at the restaurant that I NEEDED to buy two of to take to friends K and M. (It was You Bet Shiraz). By the way, it was actually very decent. And while it was 14.95 to drink a bottle with dinner in the restaurant, I could take home a bottle for 6.00. Go figure.
DH and I walked in the colonial area for a while to try to reconnect. Back home, I took the wine to K&B, where we finished it up on their deck then took a walk to the park. I actually made a semi-nice dinner (which the kids didn't like, but noodles with butter and cheese sufficed). Afterwards, we played a game together then DH and I watched the Bourne Identity (I fell asleep at the end).
That is the kind of day we've been missing. We MUST make some sacrifices in other parts of our lives so we can have more of those. They are much more important than you'd think.
Here's a photo of the three amigos and their tattoos (taken at yet another wild neighborhood party on Friday night)
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
midlife crisis fun
Here's what I did today with friend K and neighbor G.And here's why I picked a cherry blossom for my tattoo:
The cherry blossom is a very delicate flower that blooms for a very short time. For the Japanese this represents the transience of life. This concept ties in very deeply with the fundamental teachings of Buddhism that state all life is suffering and transitory. The Japanese have long held strong to the Buddhist belief of the transitory nature of life and it is very noble to not get too attached to a particular outcome or not become emotional because it will all pass in time.
And I didn't cry!
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